Snooki has a style and philosophy all her own and that extends into motherhood. She may often get the pop culture raspberries, but she is a mom now, and that does give her some level of expertise on being a parent. And judging from her Celebaby Report on MTV.com, she is happy to advise.
Here's just a quick list of the Snookier bits of guidance:
- Don't crush your baby with your huge hands. Your baby's head is soft and squishy and "basically a bobblehead" so hold them with care.
- If the baby cries, she's probably just hungry, or needs to "take a ****."
- Keep your wife happy by not having sex with her. She just had a person come out of her, and her vagina needs time to heal.
- Make sure you choose your makeup palettes wisely when entering the hospital to give birth. Hospital rooms are bland and boring. "Stay away from nudes," she insists.
- Bring your own hospital gown because the gowns at the hospital are ugly.
- Avoid big hoop earings, as they may get caught on things, but diamond studs are nice and will help you look good in your selfies.
- Make sure your mascara is waterproof because you're going to cry from the pain of a baby coming out of your vagina. While in labor, you'll probably fart in the doctor's face, but at least you'll look good doing it.
- Do not drink your own breast milk, ladies, but guys, you can drink as much as you want. It'll make you hotter.
- Go slow on your first night of drinking because you haven't drank in 9 months and it's going to hit you.
Well, it's not Dr. Spock, but you have to admit, her advice has some real world applications. For someone. Somewhere. Right?