Note to johns: If prostitution had a customer service line, it probably wouldn't be the police.
But that didn't stop a man in West Midlands, England, from calling Britain's version of 911 on Tuesday to allegedly complain about a hooker who didn't look as advertised.
An aghast Solihull station cop took to Twitter during the incident:
Unbelievable… man just reported a ‘lady of the night’ for breaching Sale of Goods Act with her looks. Sergeant reshaping the man's attitude.
— Solihull Police (@SolihullPolice) June 11, 2013
A partial audio of the 999 exchange, published by the Express and Star, reveals the man griping to the emergency operator that the woman "misdescribed herself and misrepresented herself totally. ... Basically she was ugly."
The BBC reported that officials sent the man a letter of warning about "wasting police time." An officer also called to remind him that soliciting was illegal, as the man continued to insist that the woman be arrested for misrepresentation.
Incidentally, the outlet pointed out, the Sale of Goods Act was established to ensure consumers that goods were of "satisfactory quality" and "match the seller's description."
According to the Express and Star, the man voiced his disapproval when he met the woman in a prearranged date in front of a hotel, prompting her to take his car keys and throw them at him.
Another questionable emergency line tie-up occurred in March when a Manchester United fan called 999 to report a crime: The team's Nani had received a red card in a Champions League match against Real Madrid.