Switching from the modality of "doing" to just "being" is essential to having more enjoyable sex. When Agapi Stassinopoulos, author of "Unbinding the Heart," joined me on Mondays With Marlo, she told me that it's useful to create an environment that enhances sensuality -- turn out the lights, play calming music and put your smartphone away. Allow yourself to have a transition period between work and intimacy. It takes time to unwind and get into the romantic mindset.
Click here for the full interview.
For more tips on inner exploration, see Agapi's tips for creating the life you want:
Ask for help. You don’t have to do it alone. Asking for help, even with the little things, can relieve stress. Don’t be afraid to be rejected -- and remember that it might take practice to get comfortable with asking for assistance.
Determine a time when you’re going to turn your smartphone (or iPad or laptop…) off. Be disciplined about it. If you go for a walk or are heading to the gym, leave it at home. When you’re going to bed, turn it off and put it out of the room. And in the mornings, give yourself time to get ready and enjoy the day before switching it back on.
The quickest pick-me-up is to hug someone, like a baby, a loved one or a pet. If none are available, try this simple breathing exercise. Put your right hand on your heart and your left hand on your belly. Smile and exhale deeply.
If you're interested in someone and aren’t sure where the relationship is heading, it’s OK to ask “where do we stand?” Women sometimes waste time waiting for their partners to “come around” and, much later, find out that the man never wanted to be committed. If your partner doesn’t want a long-term relationship, that’s fine. Find someone who does.
When you’re struggling to get in the mood, it’s time to get away from doing to just being. Do things that switch your brain from constantly doing things to being the sensual woman you are. Turn off the lights, have calm music on, put your phone aside and create an environment that reminds you of your sensuality.
If there’s a rocky relationship in your life, start by forgiving yourself for judging -- then work on forgiving the other person as well. Repairing your own heart is your number one commitment. When your heart is open and a safe space, the other person is more likely to come around. In the meantime, send that person good energy and good thoughts.
Find someone, like a friend, who can support you and hold you accountable to the tasks on your to-do list. Start with small steps to avoid being overwhelmed and report to that person. Whether it’s duties for work, pursuing your hobby or getting that home project done, just having support and acknowledgment that you’re making progress makes all the difference.
The most common reason that people feel unhappiness in their lives is ungratefulness. One of Agapi’s favorite sayings is “you cannot be unhappy and grateful at the same time.” Focus on all the positive aspects of your life and banish negative thoughts to keep a sunny outlook on life.
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