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Next Week's News: 7 Headlines We'll Probably See Next Week (PHOTOS)

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1. Justin Bieber's former monkey moves on with its life, but sees this when it closes its eyes
justin bieber

2. Rick Perry will do his best to prevent teens from participating in the dangerous new trend of filibustering
rick perry

3. The unhealthy snacks kicked out of U.S. schools will form their own utopian colony on Junk Food Island where HoHo's run free and there is no pain
island

4. The nation remains sharply divided on immigration and also how to eat Oreos
oreos

5. Executives from Big Butter will continue to freak out about the downfall of Paula Deen
upset businessman

6. The avalanche of jokes about being able to marry animals now will continue to bum out the the few people who would be into that
cat bride

7. The nation will try to smooth over the tension of the neighbor's fire hazards fun fireworks by eating as many s'mores as possible
smore

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