Warning: These stories will make it much more difficult to explain the birds and the bees to your kids, unless you think it's perfectly natural for a man to have sex with a bicycle.
Men sometimes get caught having sex with inanimate objects, and HuffPost Weird News is here to document them. Just remember the next time you're looking to get down with your down comforter, don't do it in public. Several of these guys got arrested:
- In June, Gerard Streator pleaded guilty to having sex with a couch on the side of a Wisconsin road. The 47-year-old was sentenced to five months in jail after his initial arrest in September 2012, when he was caught "thrusting his pelvic area against the cushions and trying to sexually gratify himself by rubbing his penis between the two cushions," an officer said. Apparently he took the term "love seat" far too literally.
- Also last month, police in Sweden started hunting for a man taking "joy rides" with strangers' bicycles. The man was caught on camera (video below) either lubing his own gear or having sex with a bike, owned by Ostersund resident Per Edstrom. Apparently bike love is a thing in Europe, because Edstrom wasn't surprised to see the the perp fidgeting with his peg. He was only upset to find that his tires had been slashed.
- Edward Smith, of Washington State, may be the king of car coitus. He claims to have had sex with more than 1,000 vehicles, including his favorite, the helicopter from the 1980s TV hit, Airwolf (photo below). He said he doesn't have eyes for men or women, but man, his 1993 Ford Ranger Splash has some junk in the trunk. "I'm a romantic," he said. "I know what's in my heart and I have no desire to change." Maybe he just wants a hummer.
- Nobody knows watercraft quite like Edwin Tobergta. The Ohio man was caught getting freaky with his neighbor's pink inflatable raft in September, 2011. When he was caught pink-handed, he reportedly begged the neighbor for mercy and said he "has a problem." He was arrested, and the raft was found deflated and ashamed in the backyard.
- Another Ohioan, Art Price, was caught on camera having sex with a picnic table in public, Fox News reported in 2008. Why the videographer recorded Price's chair chafing four times before sending the footage to police is beyond us.
- Oh, and just for good measure, the story about a man having sex with a hornets nest and then dying was a hoax.
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