By Sam Ferrigno for HooplaHa.com
The myriad of emotions we feel after a break up are overwhelming at times, but take the heat off yourself by knowing that they're as natural as love itself.
Breakups feel like crimes. Even when they’re amicable and mutual we feel like we’ve been wronged, or that we’re doing something heinous. Essentially, we’re bringing something to an end. Our minds easily construe the end of something into the death of something -- especially when it comes to love. That’s why breakups are like “daggers to the heart.” It is essential to take a deep breath out and realize that in order to have a healthy breakup, we have to let go. We act on guilt to make amends, to apologize and forgive -- not to base a relationship off of.
When a break up comes as a shock, our senses can be stunned into numbness. We go through a bizarre, limbo state where everything feels hazy. Hollywood has us thinking we should end a relationship with volatile bursts of passion. The reality might be that our emotions are put on hold while we process what the hell just happened -- it’s as if numbness is our hearts’ way of protecting us from a lack of understanding. Not unlike the flu, numbness has to ride itself out.
You don’t have to be the dumpee to feel like crap after a break up. Being in the position where we decide to end things might be better, but not by much. No one goes into a relationship anticipating the end with an aloof attitude. A lot of us want to fall in love, to find a partner with whom to share life, and someone to prove to us that giving happiness a chance really is worth all the strife that comes before it. When that doesn’t happen, it feels like failure. But rather than use the word “failure,” we are better off saying, “experience” (as new-age-y as that sounds). At a certain point, misery is a choice. We can choose to regard ex-lovers bitterly, or we can peer into past relationships to determine what does and does not make us happy. Memory is a good tool to determine the future.
This is not likely the first emotion we feel, but for those of us that do like change, a breakup signals a change that could very well shock our brains into experiencing wonder. As author, C. JoyBell C. says, “Ends are not bad things, they just mean that something else is about to begin.” Excitement is a blessing; we’re not betraying anyone by looking forward to the next chapter our lives have in store for us.
Love is hard. That’s the most economic way to describe the experience of searching for love, finding something that looks like it and then realizing that those initial feelings of adoration and affection were only temporary. Sometimes, three words are all we can muster after our hearts and brains have been through the emotional roller coaster we willingly put it through. Don’t worry about being tired from love; it’s as natural as needing a nap after an indulgent brunch. You’re not actually going to die, you just need to rest and digest.