WEDDINGS
07/30/2013 05:08 pm ET | Updated Aug 12, 2013

Bad Engagement Ring From A Great Guy? Here's How To Handle The Situation

Your boyfriend/girlfriend just popped the question -- hooray! But when you open up that tiny box, you're less than pleased with what's inside. Maybe the stone is too big or too small or maybe it's just not your style. Should you keep your mouth shut and just be happy you're engaged? Or should you find a way to let your partner know without hurting his/her feelings? That's the question Redditor throwringaway posed to the site's users on Monday.

"My boyfriend asked how to go about picking out an engagement ring," she wrote. "I gathered he wanted to surprise me, so I directed him to my sister who knows my preferences very well. I sent her so much information and examples to clearly illustrate what I like. He left her out of the process almost entirely...I was so committed to loving the ring regardless because he put the time and energy into designing and picking it out. But I'm sensing it was more of a series of impulsive choices because he wanted to propose on our anniversary. It's very large, flashy, and overstated. I wanted something small, neutral and no diamonds. I don't wear jewelry, so something this big and flashy makes me uncomfortable. I'm disappointed he didn't seem to take into consideration what I prefer -- I have to wear it forever. It would be nice if I actually thought it was pretty...so what do I do?"

Below, five Redditors share their advice:

You really only "have" to wear it until you're married, then it's your choice between wearing both the engagement ring and the wedding band or just the wedding band. If it honestly bothers you that much, bring it up to him -- but bring it up by saying you felt like he was spending too much on you and it's not that you don't appreciate the fact that he went out and tried to do it all on his own just for you. Seriously though, think about it from that perspective. Think about how awesome it feels to be the guy who went out and designed his future wife's ring and it was everything she dreamed of. Sure, it wasn't anything you were expecting, but it's the thought that counts. - StarsKri

Can you get it toned down a bit? Would he take it personally if you ask for it to be adjusted a bit, more to your taste? Just blame it on the jeweler's taste and not his to avoid him being hurt, and get it adjusted a bit. - DutchGualle

Just from a guy's side, I would never show your sister the ring I was thinking of getting you. I want it to be a surprise, and no one is WORSE at keeping secrets then someone's family. As a guy who is all pumped to marry you, I wouldn't think I could screw it up either so I would probably assume it was awesome. Also, if he designed it himself, you are SO WRONG about how much time he spent. If he was to just do something quick and without thinking, you would have a store-bought ring that he could have just bought and gotten sized, without going through the process of designing it himself. No man with male friends will get you a ring with no diamonds unless you make it SUPER CLEAR you don't want diamonds. The stereotype is there for a reason, and you want to show off when you get her the ring. Clearly you love the dude. If it is a design job, it won't be simple to return, but you can work together to design a new band and pop the stone into it somewhere else, or you can make it into another piece of jewelry altogether after you get married. - Mindtaker

If the ring is the biggest problem you're having, count yourself lucky, and forget about it. It's just a ring. - SirFireHydrant

Maybe you can use the same diamond or have it changed somehow and put it in a more understated band? Tell him you love how much thought he put into it, but you work so much with your hands and you want to be able to wear it and not risk ruining it. - littlepopster

Click through the slideshow for more advice on what to do if you don't like your engagement ring.

What Should A Woman Do If She Doesn't Like Her Engagement Ring?

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