08/14/2013 06:47 am ET

The New Ways Men Should Think About Sex


Here's the thing no one tells you about sex: It changes. The same moves and tricks that brought you and your partner pleasure in your 20s and 30s aren't necessarily going to work in your 50s and beyond. It's a truth that can be especially difficult for older men to accept, says certified sex and relationship expert Joe Kort.

"Men have been raised to think the only way and the final way to be sexual is through intercourse," Kort said. "So when they can't, they're devastated. Their masculinity is totally devastated."

Sex changes for men over 50 beyond the ability to maintain an erection, but because "the erection is their masterpiece" men have a harder time wrapping their minds around different ways to explore their sexuality.

But for older men looking to truly improve their sex lives, it's important to think of sex as more than just penetration. This can usher in a new period of sensuality in a relationship, Kort said.

"Women will say they love the fact [their husband is not as] penile focused," he said. "He starts to be introduced to things he didn't know he would enjoy. Touch becomes more important. [He] remembers he has fingers and a tongue and other things that would make her feel good, not just his penis. Seventy-five percent of women don't have vaginal orgasms anyway."

What are other new ways men should think about sex after 50?

"[Men] might find that he might have anal pleasure," Kort said. "It's a well-known secret. Women know it, but men don't like to admit it." Massaging the prostate, a walnut-sized gland located in front of the rectum, is known to intensify orgasms.

The idea of sexuality can expand to include toys and novelty, Kort added. "Mixing it up is very enjoyable, not just in positions, but in ways that don't involve genitals," he said.

By first acknowledging and accepting the new realities of getting and giving pleasure, older men may find that the next chapter of their sex lives is even more enjoyable.

Tell us how your concept of sexuality has changed in midlife in the comments or tweet us @HuffPost50.


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