I Read The Bachelorette Winner's Book Of 'Poetry' So You Don't Have To

08/30/2013 05:12 pm ET

The Bachelorette is a television show in which they lock a rag-tag band of mostly white hotties in a house and force them to compete over the heart of a woman. To do so, the captive hotties utilize muscles, tongue-kissing, and generic combinations of the phrases "looking for a real relationship," "family really matters to me," "I definitely want kids," "fairy-tale ending," and "right reasons."

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