WEIRD NEWS
09/10/2013 09:18 am ET Updated Sep 10, 2013

Don't Mess With These Animals. Seriously.

Sure, everyone loves cute, cuddly animals. But every once in a while, humans are reminded that their dominance over other beasts is not absolute.

Here are a gang of bad-ass critters that you definitely don't want to mess with.

Hungry, Hungry Hippos

Tour guide Paul Templer was swallowed by a hippopotamus in South Africa in 1996. Templer, then 27, said that he went "straight down" the two-ton male hippo's throat, and remembers "a terrible, sulfurous smell, like rotten eggs, and a tremendous pressure against my chest."

The hippo's tusk pierced his chest, and the attack stripped the flesh off his left arm, but Templer lived to tell the tale. In fact, he's made a business of sharing his experience: He now works as a motivational speaker.

Air Jaws

Few things in nature scream "holy s***!!!" quite like a great white shark jumping entirely out of the water. Good thing that seal's just a decoy, or else it would be totally terrified, not to mention dead. Fortunately, this only seems to happen off the coast of South Africa.

Invasive Species
eel in man
Earlier this year, a man in China's southeastern Guangdong province admitted himself to a local hospital after he reportedly got a live eel stuck inside him. According to British tabloid The Sun, the man inserted the 20-inch-long Asian swamp eel into his anus after seeing it done in a porn movie, and he had to endure all-night surgery to have it extracted.

According to a HuffPost translation of a blogger's post on Chinese message board forum Mop.com, the eel reportedly chewed through the man's colon, perforating his large intestine, and became stuck in his body cavity. A graphic X-ray image (seen below) shows how far inside the eel was when the man came in for treatment.

Scumbag Squid

Ejaculating squid? Why not Zoidberg?

According to research published in February, a woman eating at a restaurant in South Korea reportedly experienced a "pricking and foreign-body sensation" while chewing on an order of semi-boiled squid. It turned out to be secretions from the squid's "sperm bags," ejaculatory apparatuses that attach themselves to a female squid's body.

Doctors found that the squid had left "twelve small, white spindle-shaped, bug-like organisms" in the mucous membranes of her tongue and cheek.

Ball Busters

Bad dogs. Toothy fish. Ballsy monkeys. These are just a few animals that have been reportedly wreaked havoc on human testicles.

When Squirrels Go Nuts

In April 2012, several brush fires in Florida were reportedly caused by an unlikely combination of squirrels, dry weather and electrical currents. In one case, a squirrel running along a high-voltage line jumped to another line, creating an arc of electricity that lit up some brush. The blaze spread quickly, razing the nearby home of a church pastor.

Baby Goats Gone Wild

Not dangerous, but dangerously cute.

We like his friend, too.

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