Food Portmanteaus We Wish Would Go Away (PHOTOS)

09/11/2013 09:35 am ET

You have likely heard portmanteaus for your entire life, even if you are not exactly sure what to call them. A portmanteau is a combination of the most recognizable parts of two words, in a way that sounds fun and, ideally, indicates that they've been combined. The Atlantic Wire wrote an amazing guide to creating good portmanteaus, which you should read and giggle at, right after you read our list of the food portmanteaus we wish would die. Our favorite food portmanteau is also one of the most common: spork, a combination spoon and fork.

These portmanteaus are not good ones. These ones are kitschy at best, grating at worst, frequently perpetrated by brands and nearly always just too cute to live. These portmanteaus need to die. We're sorry. It's time.

  • 1 Cronuts
    Getty Images
    We think of the cronut as the eye of the storm -- food portmanteaus have gotten so bad, it seems they can't get any worse, but we know they will.
  • 2 Frappuccino
    Getty Images
    It's just a cold cappuccino, guys. A frappé is icy, it's delicious. It's not some bottled, chocolate-milk-tasting impostor.
  • 3 Mocktail
    Getty Images
  • 4 Frankenfood/Frankenfish
    Getty Images
    Okay, this is a Frankendog, but you get our meaning. Look how sad he is.
  • 5 Appletini/Chocotini
    Getty Images
    UGH. We cannot even express how UGH anything portmanteaud onto martini makes us feel. Please, cease to do this.
  • 6 Pluot
    Getty Images
    Great fruit, awful name. What, was plumpricot already taken?
  • 7 Tofurky
    Getty Images
    Tofurky is so ubiquitous now, we probably won't be able to get rid of it. But we will always and forever prefer turducken -- both as a portmanteau and as a meal.
  • 8 Stoup
    Getty Images
    Rachael Ray describes a stoup as "thicker than soup, thinner than stew." Sorry, Rachael, stoup is already taken. A stoup holds holy water, so stop it.
  • 9 Linner
    Getty Images
    Let's put an end to the use of "linner" to describe lunch and dinner. Brunch has come to describe a genre of meal. Linner will always sound bizarre in comparison.
  • 10 Beefaroni
    Sounds like barfaroni, don't even try to pretend otherwise.
  • 11 P'Zone
    Pizza Hut
    This is Pizza Hut's fault. Hey Pizza Hut, come over here for a second: a combination pizza/calzone? IS JUST CALLED A CALZONE. A calzone is a folded over pizza. We already had a name for it. Thank you. GOOD DAY.
  • 12 Spoonula
    Like we even need to explain.
  • 13 GoGurt
    Only thing grosser than eating yogurt from a tube? Saying GoGurt aloud.

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