Are you bummed because you totally don't get the government shutdown? NBD, y'all. Gleecap The News is here to explain it all.

Previously: Gleecap The News explains the crisis in Syria.

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  • Hair Extensions

    One simple clip and your hair becomes a symbol of national pride.

  • Wine Glass

    Works best with American wines.

  • Wooden Hot Air Balloon

    About time someone made one of these.

  • Wine Bottle Necklace

    A subtle hint of the nation's colors.

  • Star Soaps

    The stars on the American flag in soap-form.

  • Fake Cupcakes

    Delicious-looking patriotic cupcakes that you can't eat because they're not actually food.

  • Straws

    Never have to drink through a country-neutral straw again.

  • Tutu

    A nice patriotic break from the same old boring pink tutus.

  • Dog Collar

    So what if your dog doesn't understand the concept of different groups of people separated by various governments? Doesn't mean they can't still be patriotic.

  • Pint Jars

    Finally, patriotic jars.

  • Top Hat

    Pretty subtle, but still effective.

  • Hula Hoop

    Hula hoop with some pride.

  • Tissue Box Holder

    No more boring, unpatriotic tissue boxes.

  • Flask

    Fall under the judging gaze of an eagle as you become more and more inebriated.

  • Tic Tac Holder

    The regular, non-patriotic Tic Tac boxes just won't cut it.

  • Tart Burner

    Only for patriotic fragrances.

  • Patriotic Bowl Fillers

    Need something to fill all those empty bowls in your house? Look no further than these patriotic bowl fillers.

  • Flip Flops

    The most patriotic flip flops around.

  • Hook Bookmark

    Guaranteed to be the most patriotic hook/bookmark available in today's market.

  • Uncle Sam Whirligig

    A wooden whirligig of Uncle Sam with American flags for hands.

  • Sunglasses

    Protect your eyes from dangerous UV rays, while also reflecting some national pride back at the Sun.

  • Soap Popsicle

    A red, white and blue popsicle made out of soap a warm summer day of hand washing.

  • Uncle Sam Dog Hat

    Finally, a patriotic hat made for dogs.

  • Feather Tree

    Only red, white and blue feathers on this tree.

  • Uncle Sam Wine Stopper

    Uncle Sam is thrilled to keep your wine fresh.

  • Washcloth Set

    Have to use all three at the same time to get the combination of the red, white and blue washcloths.

  • Cupcake Holders

    Makes your cupcakes so much more delicious.

  • Whistle

    A red, white and blue whistle made from Coca-Cola bottle caps.

  • Cutlery

    A patriotic fork, spoon and spreader.

  • Wine Bag

    The most patriotic way to transport that bottle of 1992 Merlot.

  • Patriotic Bear

    No question of this bear's national pride.

  • Uncle Sam Wall Art

    Uncle Sam's smiling face affixed to your wall.

  • Zipper Charm

    Liven up those normal, unpatriotic zippers.

  • Baby Leg Warmers

    Finally some patriotic leg warmer options for babies.

  • Scrabble Tile Pendant

    The most patriotic Scrabble tile.