10/03/2013 08:12 am ET Updated Oct 03, 2013

Vintage Furniture Ad Says Playmates Are Best Kept In Chests, Proves Sex Doesn't Always Sell (PHOTO)

From the "If Sterling Cooper Was A Real Ad Agency" department comes this gem of a furniture advertisement that tries to convince hapless fedora-wearing men that all a woman really needs is a hope chest. Actually, she really wants you to propose to her already, for God's sake. But if you can't, the next best thing is a big ol' trunk that she can fill with photos of you, a too-small wedding dress and her bitter tears.

And no worries if you can't be there, because you'd rather be nursing a Canadian Club (and a stewardess) instead of shopping. This ad also gives you the power to send a little gift certificate to your lady. After all, it's the "home-before-marriage to most young ladies who love to fill it with soft things."

While most modern women have yet to solve that "where shall I put my soft things?" age-old problem, it's probably because we're all out trying to earn a living. We do get a small kick out of the wordplay in the tagline -- that "playmates" (read: "Playboy" magazines) are best kept in chests -- but not sure if that helps Lane's argument here.

Snide remarks aside, we do think that the Lane chest is a thing of beauty that many of us would like to own (especially a pristine vintage version). We're just happy that the biggest sin of furniture ads these days is being a bit on the boring side.

h/t to the Vintage Ads subreddit and eBay

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