Look, we know that we can't actually marry cheese. And we wouldn't even want to marry a lot of them. Roquefort, you're fun sometimes, but you can get a little moody and have a sharp tongue. Gruyere, you're mostly awesome but can try a little too hard to be a crowd-pleaser.
There are certain cheeses that never let us down, though. They are always there for us, in sickness and in health. So, if we could, we'd live happily ever after with these nine cheeses:
Paksi Sir, you little Croatian minx. You look pretty drab at the cheese counter with your not-particularly-lovely yellow-brown insides. But maybe that's just because you're hiding your beauty from undeserving suitors. But we get you. We like you. We're proud to take your buttery self to the dance.
It's time to stop letting boring French brie cheeses get all the attention. Brebirousse D'Argental, you are gooey and complex, two most excellent attributes. Perhaps it is thanks to the sheep's milk, which is richer and creamier than cow's milk. Or maybe it is your pretty orange rind. Either way, we're hooked.
Ossau, you may not be as splashy as Parmigiano or Gruyere, but you are every bit as loved. In fact, we've found that once you go Ossau, you don't go back. You start out subtle, perhaps a little shy. But then it's like, BAM! Ossau, you're here and you're playing for keeps. You've nourished our souls and won our heart.
It's hard to choose just one goat cheese from Cypress Grove. But Purple Haze, your funky coating of fennel pollen and lavender proves that you know how to party. Especially when crackers are around.
Pecorino Foglia Noce
We don't let those dried walnut leaves on your outsides distract us from the beauty of your insides. Your milkiness enraptures us, and we wish you weren't available only seasonally. Until we meet again...
Okay, fine, we know that we have to compete with everyone else for you already. You're a sultry one, with your oozing stracciatella insides. Sure, on the outside, you just look like plain mozzarella. But you let your secret out pretty quickly. And you don't even mind -- you like being an indulgent tease, don't you? We'll take your bait, though.
You're a mature Dutch maiden who knows that age is not a bad thing -- you're far superior to your youthful sister (i.e. non-aged Gouda). We find ourselves munching on a piece, then another one and then another one. Uniekaas Reserve, never leave us. We promise to always love you, even in your old age.
La Tur, you entice us with your cow-goat-sheep milk combination. You're a smooth talker, with a bloomy rind that makes us quiver. We know that you and hard crackers kind of have a thing, but sometimes we just want you all to ourselves.