Patton Oswalt's 'Black Angus Steakhouse' Menu Comes To Life In All Its Gluttonous Glory

10/10/2013 04:08 pm ET

Patton Oswalt is known for his love of food, so it should come as no surprise that one of his most popular stand-up bits is about his love of steakhouses. Not just any steakhouses, mind you: Black Angus Steakhouse.

In the bit, he described the aggression that Black Angus employs to draw in customers. His description of the artery-clogging concoctions served up at Black Angus are exaggerated for comedic effect, but one Redditor actually made a full menu of Patton's fake Black Angus menu.

Godspeed, captstack. Obamacare couldn't have kicked in at a better time.

Check out the bit on YouTube (warning, some NSFW language), and check out the cuisine IRL below.

  • "At Black Angus, we'll start you off with our appetizer platter, featuring five jumbo deep-fried gulf shrimp, served on a disc of salted butter, with 15 of our potato bacon bombs, and a big bowl of pork cracklins with our cheese and butter dipping sauce."
  • "Then we'll take you to our mile-long bacon and salad bar, featuring bacon and cheese cream soup, and our five head of iceberg lettuce He-Man salad served in a punch bowl, with 18 pounds of ranch dressing, pork-stuffed deep-fried croutons and what the hell, a couple of corn dogs."
  • "Then we'll wheel out our bottomless trough of fried dough."
  • "Then, we'll bring out our 55-ounce Las Mesa He-Man Steak Slab, served with a deep-fried pumpkin, stuffed with buttered scallops and 52 of our potato bacon bombs."
  • "Bend over, Abigail May. Here comes the gravy pipe!"
  • "At Black Angus, your name is Peaches."

Also on HuffPost:

Fast Food FAILS
Suggest a correction