There's been a lot of talk lately about the exponential joy of fried eggs. They are what we most commonly associate with a hearty breakfast. They are also great on bibimbap. They turn a humble grilled sandwich into a croque madame. In fact, putting an egg on it even has its own zine now.

For something that brings the world so much joy, we've often felt a lot of agita about the process of making them. Eggs are finicky little things, and things can go very left very fast if you let them fluster you. Don't worry, we're just one listicle away from fried egg nirvana. Don't just take our word for it, listen to this guy.

A beautiful photograph of an egg being fried.... on Saturn.

  • 1
    Cracking Your Eggs Like A Brute
    First things first -- don't let your creepy dolls crack your eggs for you. Look, eggs are delicate. They require a gentle touch. If you find that you're busting the yolk/filling your eggs with shell whenever you crack them, you're probably putting too much proverbial mustard on it. Try cracking your egg against a flat surface before opening the shell over a bowl, that usually works for us.
  • 2
    Breaking Your Yolk Before You Mean To
    A runny yolk is one of the singular joys of a fried egg. If you hate runny yolks, go ahead and break them with reckless abandon. For the rest of you, there is a simple trick to avoid this breakfast bummer: don't drop your egg into the pan from a great height. Slide it into the pan (either from its shell or the ramekin you delicately cracked it into) from just above the cooking surface.
  • 3
    Cooking On Too High A Heat
    Whoa, whoa, whoa. Easy cowboy. If your eggs puff up into little clouds and get brown and crispy around the edges, your pan is too hot. Cooking an egg over medium heat will keep the whites tender, the yolk runny and make weird crispy bits a thing of the past. If you're worried about your whites setting, just cover the pan for a minute or two.
  • 4
    Being A Bull In A China Shop
    By now, I know I sound like a broken record, but be gentle. If you want an over-easy egg, you're going to have to flip it once, and when you do, you'll want to handle it like a faberge egg. Flip gently, preserve your runny yolks. In fact, don't think of it as "flipping," so much as laying your egg gently on its other side.
  • 5
    Overcooking Them
    I think that there are people out there who actually like their eggs cooked this way. Or maybe they just don't know any better. Browning an egg white makes it tough and chewy. Cooking an egg yolk through makes it chalky. What you want are smooth, solid whites and a runny yolk. It shouldn't take more than three minutes.
  • 6
    Using A Sticky Pan
    There is no frustration like trying to slide a perfectly fried egg out of the pan and having it not budge. If you have an aversion to traditional non-stick pans, you can use a well-seasoned cast iron skillet. If you don't have either of those, be sure to use a little extra butter or oil. There is no way to scrape an egg out of a pan without breaking the yolk. We learned that the hard way.
  • 7
    Trying To Cook Them On The Sidewalk
    Okay, just kidding. But seriously, everyone has to stop making this joke now.
  • 8
    Forgetting About Earth's Most Perfect Egg Mold: Toast
    Call it an egg in a nest, egg in a basket, toad in a hole -- we don't care, just eat it. If you've never made one, it's really easy, just toast your bread in some butter. Once it's crisp and golden on both sides, remove it from the pan, cut out a circle using either a cookie cutter or a knife and return it to the pan. Drop a dab of butter in the hole, then pour your egg right into it. Cover for a minute or two to set the whites and enjoy. (You can also flip the whole thing once you feel comfortable doing that.)

This story appears in Issue 85 of our weekly iPad magazine, Huffington, available Friday, Jan. 24 in the iTunes App store.

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