Let's face it: The teen movies of your childhood were completely inaccurate. Adults played teenagers, all of the popular girls were named Heather, and everybody's hair still looked pretty after gym class.
Basically, your favorite teen flicks misled you about pretty much everything that mattered. To celebrate cinematic dishonesty, here are Hollywood's 11 Most Egregious Lies About Adolescence:
Lie #1: The Perfect Makeover Will Change Your Life.
Poof! Everything that's wrong with her life vanishes along with her unibrow.
If only hair and makeup were that powerful in real life.
Lie #2: Your Friend’s Hot Mom Was Into You. For Real.
The infamous MILF popularized winter-spring dalliances -- imaginary ones, that is.
Yup. Those soccer carpool rides were totally bursting with sexual tension.
Lie #3: Public Declarations Of Affection Always Work.
The proof is in the historic bleacher dance:
Why settle for whispering sweet nothings when you can belt out "I LOVE YOU, Baby" in front of the whole school? The louder the better when you're a movie teenager in love. In real life, these kinds of stunts are more likely to lead to public humiliation.
Lie #4: It's All About The Car, Dude.
Hair gel and hot wheels a high school stud does make -- if you're in the right musical.
Lie #5: Toothbrushing For Two Can Be Totally Seductive!
Oral hygiene isn't so flirty IRL. Some things should stay between you and your dentist.
Lie #6: When In Doubt, Charm Your Way Out.
With dazzling charm, you can get away with theft, truancy and more!
We're fairly certain it's not always that easy.
Lie #7: Playing Matchmaker To Your Teachers Will Boost Your GPA!
Helping Mr. Hall and Miss Geist find love was just the benevolent thing to do. Plus, it was way easier than studying.
In reality, it takes more than one fine Shakespeare line to make hearts melt in the teachers lounge. Everything's better in Cher-world.
Lie #8: Prom Will Be The Best Night Of Your Whole. Damn. Life.
Prom's the night when you look like a princess and your high school gym looks like a palace. Above all, the evening's supposed to end with one great, big, romantic kiss:
Yeah, like that! So why did you feel more like:
Lie #9: It's Easy To Break Down High School Social Barriers.
High school cliques can dissolve in the blink of an eye.
They look so happy, you almost believe they'll still be friends come Monday. After four years of high school, we've learned not to be too optimistic.
Lie #10: Don't Give Up -- She'll Have To Say Yes... Eventually.
In teen movies, persistence is rewarded, even when it borders on the stalkeresque...
Don't worry. He can wait.
Lie #11: Your First Time Will Go Great!
Flattering camera angles and crooning background music make some movie "first times" seem totally sultry and not at all awkward. We're like:
Your favorite teen flicks may have flat-out lied about some of your most important high-school struggles, but at the end of the day, the movies are fun precisely because they're so damn unrealistic. You win, Hollywood. You win.
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