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11 Bizarre Life Skills You Could Only Learn From Wikihow

11/01/2013 12:30 pm ET

The Internet is chock-full of advice. Some of it's good, some of it's lousy, some of it's straight-up wackadoo. And few sites offer the extent of useful, useless and baffling information than how-to encyclopedia Wikihow.

Here are the 11 things you could only learn from Wikihow (though it's probably best if you don't). Let's dive right in.

1. How To Pierce Your Own Penis
"Since you're reading this, it's safe to assume that you plan to do the piercing by yourself at home. In this case, choose an area with a good bit of flat space that you can work with and a good counter. The bathroom is a good place."

2. How To Hypnotize A Chicken
"You'll need a piece of chalk and a chicken. You can also do it on bare earth using a stick in a pinch."

3. How To Pee Yourself When You’re A Desperate Woman
"If you're wearing a long dress, just stand against a wall and pee with force. You may wish to tilt your pelvis slightly forward."

4. How To Cope With A Double Parachute Failure
"As you approach the Earth at, or close to, terminal velocity, you may wish to contemplate your past existence, and the possibility of a future afterlife. "

5. How To Calculate Pi By Throwing Frozen Hotdogs
"Get into position and THROW YOUR FOOD! Throw just one item at a time."

6. How to React To An Ugly Baby
"If you’ve been presented with a baby that is not cute, avoid the desire to express how much like a wrinkly old man the baby looks."

7. How To Disguise Yourself As A Tree
"(Optional) If it is around Christmas time, add green fake lights or hold two ornaments."

8. How To Stop Picking Your Nose
"Nose-picking may start at home but soon creeps into the public sphere, where you justify it as 'just a little pick.'"

9. How To Survive A Super Comet Hitting Earth
"The likeliness that every person you've ever known who's friend or family will survive is not 100%. Be prepared for losses."

10. How To Cast A Spell To Get Rid Of Hayfever
"[C]hant nine times: 'From this garlic cure I bake, A wonder Hayfever cure I make.'"

11. How To Have A Pet Rock Funeral
"Try and pay your respects every day. You never know, your rock could be watching from the heavens!"

Once again, we don't recommend following ANY of this advice. Except the ugly baby one. That's actually useful. The rest, well ...

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