Dear New York Times Style section, you may have outdone yourself. We thought your trend pieces on manscaping, kale and the "Mason-Dixon line" of Williamsburg, Brooklyn could not be topped. But, apparently, we were mistaken.
Today's notable piece, in which two affluent New York City parents hire a "nanny consulting service" to teach their 5-year-old daughter's caregiver how to cook healthy meals, contains some wonderfully shareable gems. The service is run by two private chefs, and costs $2,500.
Here are six of the most ridiculous quotes from the article:
1. "Their nanny, from Wisconsin, does not always know the difference between quinoa and couscous."
How did she even slip through the vetting process to be considered for this job? As Allison Benedikt at Slate quipped, "That’s almost as bad as having a cleaning lady from Minnesota who doesn’t know her yoga from her Pilates, or a dog walker from Iowa who doesn’t juice. It’s hard to find good help."
2. "Some of these nannies already do the cooking in the family, but they’re throwing chicken fingers in the oven, or worse, the microwave."
God forbid they spend time with the children they're caring for, instead of dedicating the day to creating elaborate meals in the kitchen.
3. “We want to give Erela the advantage of having a palate diversified enough to enjoy all of the delicious food from around the world."
Imagine how terrible her life would be without that "advantage" of adoring ostrich burgers and caviar. She'd probably grow up to be a social pariah!
4. "If a kid is in a mac-and-cheese phase, we also want to help them out of it.”
Like rehab. For children. To wean them off cheesy noodles.
5. "We were too basic with her food in the beginning."
Yes, why weren't you feeding your infant pureed braised lamb and Mediterranean-inspired kale salads? Shame on you.
6. "Some fifth-graders would rather feast on hand-delivered lunches of locally procured salmon over turkey on rye."
Probably because they've been "diversifying" their palates since birth. But don't worry, parents, your kids can catch up to these budding foodies -- just as long as you have a few thousand dollars to spare.