Sometimes it's nice to make the news, but not so much if it's because you were being a drunk idiot. Unfortunately for you, your reputation is ruined. And fortunately for the rest of the public, we get to laugh at your stupid intoxicated mistakes. We've compiled some of the drunkest news stories so you can gain some inspiration for this weekend never do what these people did.

It's the freakin' weekend and you're about to have you some fun. Just not as much fun as these people.

1. This woman who tried wearing a cheeseburger as a shoe.

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Sometimes your carnal urges just take over -- especially when you're in the romantic setting of a Loganville, Ga. Waffle House parking lot. This lovely couple was making boom boom in their car earlier this year when police busted them. Loganville authorities said the woman was so drunk that she tried to put a cheeseburger on her foot like a sandal. We really wonder how she attempted that -- did she stick her foot between the bun and the patty? Also, is that the kind of information that police usually include in their reports? Who knows...


2. This girl who tweeted her whole arrest.

drunk girl

Here's a lesson: drinking and social media don't mix very well. Samantha Lynn Goudie, a 22-year-old who went by "@Vodka_Samm" on Twitter, blew a .341 BAC at a University of Iowa football game earlier this year. She decided to document her whole arrest on Twitter and the resulting tweets were hilarious, if not unsurprisingly devoid of self-awareness:


3. This man who used a taco as his ID.

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Matthew Falkner managed to pay the cashier and get his tacos on night in 2011, but that's when the fun seemed to stop for the man from Jensen Beach, Fla. After passing out in his car while in the drive-thru line at Taco Bell, cops approached Falkner's car after the engine caught on fire. When authorities asked for his ID, the Miami New Times reports that he reached into his bag and emerged with a taco. When an officer noted that they'd asked for his ID, not his taco, Falkner responded by laughing and taking a bite out of his dinner.

Classy.


4. This man who blamed his drunk driving on a horse.

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John Mulvenna, of England's South Yorkshire, ran a red light in 2011 while on horse and carriage. When officers stopped him, Mulvenna blamed the mishap on his horse, Fred. He claimed poor Fred was colorblind. Officials didn't fall for it and ended up fining the drunkard $82. However, researchers studying equine vision say Mulvenna could have been right about Fred being colorblind. According to HorseTalk.co.uk, "Red, orange, yellow and green probably all appear the same."


5. This guy who decided to ride a crocodile.

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After getting kicked out of a pub in Australia in 2010, a drunk tourist decided to break into the zoo because he wanted to pet the crocodile, Fatso. Well, he took things a little too far and decided to actually ride the massive animal. Fatso was unsurprisingly not too happy about it. The croc took a large chunk out of the man's leg before thrusting him off.


6. This person who thought it was a good idea to drive a motorized shopping cart drunk.

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Another day, another weird Florida drunk story. Timothy Carr, a resident of Brooksville, Fla. decided to go for a joyride around a Wal-Mart in a motorized shopping cart in 2011. As he rode around the store, he knocked down items from shelves, causing them to break. Oh, and he did all this with a beer in his hand ... that he'd stolen off the shelf.


7. This dude who drove a lawn mower through a snowstorm to get more alcohol.

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Do not mess with Frank Kozumplik when he runs out of wine. Determined to keep the party going during a storm in 2008, the Adrian, Mich. man mounted a John Deer tractor and rode down the center of his street to get to the liquor store. When police arrested him and confiscated his mower, they revealed that his blood alcohol level was 2.5 times higher than Michigan's legal driving limit.


8. This Latvian man who drank enough to kill himself two times over ... and lived to tell the tale.

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Latvian police were stunned in 2003 when they picked up an anonymous middle-aged man who was unconscious but stable, despite having a blood-alcohol level twice of what was thought to be deadly. His blood test showed 7.22 parts per million alcohol, more than six times the level that would make the average person vomit. We're wondering if he was actually human...


9. And this llama who had a better night on the town than you will ever have.

This is just awesome: A llama named Serge fled a circus in Bordeaux and partied into the morning hours with five intoxicated men. Serge proved he was one of the boys as he roamed the streets, took drunk photos and even rode the city's tram. Of course, the humans were to blame for this mischief. The five friends left a nightclub and decided to visit the nearby circus. They first tried to coax a zebra out its cage but he wasn't budging. They settled for Serge, who happily obliged. The guys didn't even get arrested, because the circus director reported that Serge was returned unharmed.

Also on HuffPost:

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  • Quanta'e Powell

    <a href="http://www.nwfdailynews.com/local/crime/police-blotters/naked-man-declares-he-loves-cocaine-and-needs-more-1.106369" target="_hplink">Powell is accused</a> of running naked around a Florida apartment complex in February, 2012. A police report on Powell's arrest notes that, ""Statements from the defendant were not possible as he would only state he loved cocaine and needed more cocaine."

  • Darron Lynn Koenig

    Koenig was accused in February, 2013 of throwing hammers at Texas construction workers and then baracading himself inside his residence when police arrived to question him, a<a href="http://www.chron.com/news/houston-texas/houston/article/Police-Friendswood-man-throws-hammers-at-street-4316601.php?plckFindCommentKey=CommentKey:9177985a-9837-4f23-8317-6b6b76aa73c0" target="_hplink">ccording to the Houston Chronicle.</a>

  • Garrett Michael Hoover

    Hoover was arrested for <a href="http://www.trutv.com/library/crime/blog/2012/11/27/mugshot-of-the-day-7/index.html" target="_hplink">disorderly conduct</a> in South Carolina on November, 16, 2012. But, more importantly, he's "down to boink."

  • Sean Carl Payne

    Payne is accused of being so drunk that a police officer had to hold his head up <a href="http://www.kmov.com/news/national/Police-Man-so-drunk-officers-forced-to-hold-head-to-take-mug-shot-172855311.html" target="_hplink">for his mugshot</a> after he was arrested in October, 2012 by Humble, Tex. cops.

  • Terry Smith

    Officers in Port Orange, Fla., say Terry Smith allegedly tried to rob a taxi and, in the process, left his wallet in the cab.

  • William Kise

    After crashing his Mustang into an Indianapolis home, William Kise's first question to the victims was reportedly, "You want some pizza?"

  • Michael Don Mitchell

    Michael Don Mitchell, 38, is accused of stealing $87 in cash and change from a home in Lakeport, Tex., as well as a can of Chef Boyardee ravioli. Investigators identified him by the spaghetti sauce around his lips and mouth.

  • Arthur Brundage

    Police in Syracuse, N.Y., say Arthur Brundage robbed a bank and then came back to claim he was shortchanged on the loot.

  • Daniel Selmon

    Police in Aurora, Ill., say they discovered Daniel Selmon was growing marijuana when they spotted a large bonfire he allegedly lit to keep the plants warm.

  • Raymond Garcia

    Raymond Garcia, 45, was arrested after cops saw him fighting a street sign.

  • Phillip Beach

    Phillip Beach is accused of trying to steal a boat by jumping in the water and pulling it as he swam. He was arrested for felony theft.

  • John Caruso

    John Caruso is accused of squirting dish soap in his girlfriend's mouth in an attempt to stop her from cursing.

  • Cristian Villarreal-Castillo

    Sheriff's deputies responding to a burglary call say they found Cristian Villarreal-Castillo, a 20-year-old man, asleep on the kitchen floor of a home in Oregon.

  • Chad William Forber

    Chad William Forber, 41, has been charged with possession of methamphetamine, resisting or obstructing a peace officer and possession of drug paraphernalia, stemming from an incident where he was found naked in public covered in nothing but Crisco.

  • Johnny Broestler

    Johnny Broestler, 46, is accused of smearing dirty underwear on another man's face after an argument about rent.

  • Joyce Coffey

    Joyce Coffey was arrested four times in 26 hours for blasting the AC/DC song "Highway to Hell" and other loud music from her home and for throwing a frying pan.

  • LaKeisha Nicole Brown

    LaKeisha Nicole Brown, 24, of Longview, Tex., is accused of running an SUV over five people playing dominoes in a car port.

  • James David Gray

    James David Gray was charged with his fifth DUI when police in Ocala, Fla., pulled him over for driving drunk on a lawnmower.

  • Terry Davis

    Terry Davis is accused of stealing a textbook called "Resolving Ethical Issues" from the University of Louisville's Health Sciences Center and then later trying to resell the book to a rival book store.

  • April Hill

    April Hill, 22, of Greenville, Indiana, was arrested on preliminary charges of operating a vehicle while intoxicated with a blood-alcohol content of 0.15 or higher and a felony count of disturbing a train bed.

  • Eric Butkiewicz

    Patriotically-adorned Butkiewicz, 31, was arrested in the wee hours of the morning after Independence Day for <a href="http://blogs.miaminewtimes.com/riptide/2012/07/eric_butkiewicz_man_in_america.php" target="_hplink">allegedly dealing drugs</a> at Miami's posh Fontainebleau Hotel.

  • Rhonda Washington

    Rhonda Washington, 33, of Bryan, Tex., is accused of stabbing her husband because she didn't like his Facebook update. She maintains that she stabbed him with keys because she was mad he was doing PCP in the house.

  • Naked Chainsaw

    Lindsay Medd Stevens was arrested by police in Knoxville, Tenn., for indecent exposure after his neighbor saw him cutting a tree down -- while completely in the buff. Knox County sheriff's deputy <a href="http://www.wate.com/story/19009880/knox-county-man-arrested-while-doing-yard-work-in-the-nude" target="_hplink">Scott Ritch told WATE-TV </a>that he saw Stevens standing completely nude in his yard cutting a tree, only to run inside his house when he saw the officer.

  • Jason Dornhoff

    Jason Dornhoff was arrested after <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/11/jason-dornhoff-wrote-bomb-threat-job-application_n_1665954.html" target="_hplink">he wrote a bomb threat on the back of a job application,</a> police said. Cops searched his truck, but found no explosives.

  • Robert Gernot

    Germot was accused of threatening his neighbor by saying, "When I get done taking a s--t, I'm gonna kick your f---ing a--!"

  • Ilyass Nabih and Thony Sengsoulya

    Ilyass Nabih and Thony Sengsoulya, both of Nashua, New Hampshire, were arrested on drug charges in June 2012 after authorities spotted them allegedly trying to shoot up heroin while parked outside the Lawrence Police Station in Massachusetts.

  • Vladimir Mishkov

    <a href="http://www.seattlepi.com/local/article/Charge-Coffee-stand-masturbator-caught-again-3656307.php" target="_hplink">Mishkov is accused</a> of masturbating in front of a jail employee on his way to court to face a previous flashing charge.

  • Kelsey Smith

    In June, 2012, Smith was accused of driving under the influence and of spitting blood on law enforcement officers in Volusia County, Fla.

  • Raymond Carl Knudson

    Raymond Carl Knudson pleaded guilty June 25 to sticking up a Bank of America branch in April, a crime he confessed within minutes of committing.

  • Kola J. McGrath

    Kola J. McGrath was arrested for sneaking into her boyfriend's apartment complex by hiding in a small pink suitcase in Portland, Ore. The police searched the apartment of Curtis T. Lowe after being informed that a man had kidnapped a woman, put her in a suitcase, and taken her into the building. They found McGrath hiding in a closet.

  • Houaka Yang

    Houaka Yang, 20, of Wisconsin, accidentally videotaped his confession and identified himself on tape with a camcorder he stole. Once the video camera was recovered, the victim uploaded <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=wmY_gFcBsvw" target="_hplink">Yang's clip to YouTube.</a>

  • Pocahontas

    Luerissie Ashley Ross -- who is also a stripper called Pocahontas -- was arrested in February after she allegedly lured a man to his death and shot another in two robberies in Houston. <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/15/stripper-pocahontas-shootings-luerissie-ross_n_1517518.html?ref=crime" target="_hplink">Read more.</a>

  • Clyde Hobbs

    Clyde Hobbs was arrested in May, 2012 for allegedly calling 911 at least 17 times -- to talk dirty to operators. He'd been arrested several times in the past for the same crime. When cops arrived to collar him, Hobbs asked, "Are you here to arrest me again?" <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/09/clyde-hobbs-called-911-to-talk-sex_n_1502536.html?1336569858" target="_hplink">Read more.</a>

  • Patricia Krentcil

    Patricia Krentcil was charged with child endangerment for allegedly allowing her 5-year-old to use a tanning booth, but the New Jersey mom says the child got a sunburn from playing outside. <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/03/patricia-krentcil-tanning-tanorexic_n_1473813.html" target="_hplink">Read more.</a>

  • Eugene Carl Kotelman

    Largo (Fla.) Police pulled over Kotelman allegedly for speeding and driving drunk on May 3. Cops checked the trunk and say they found a small monkey tucked inside. <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/04/a-man-and-his-monkey-pull_0_n_1477674.html" target="_hplink">Read more.</a>

  • Aaron Latham

    Latham, 22, allegedly got naked, stole a man's truck and then ran it into the front of a home at 50 mph. <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/04/30/aaron-latham-nude-man-steals-truck-crashes-through-house-delaware_n_1464836.html" target="_hplink">Read more.</a>

  • Joseph Hannah

    Sheriff's deputies in Albuquerque, N.M. arrested Joseph Hannah for allegedly posing as a police officer. He's accused of pointing a gun at a group of teenage boys and allegedly urinating on a hat belonging to one of them. Two women told police that he pulled them over and flirted with them in separate incidents. <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/04/26/joseph-hannah-impersonated-cop-urinated-hat_n_1455881.html" target="_hplink">Read more.</a>

  • Michael Baker

    Michael Baker was arrested after posting a Facebook photo of himself stealing gas from a police car in Jenkins, Ky. <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/04/19/michael-baker-stole-gas-cop-car-facebook-photo-kentucky_n_1437057.html" target="_hplink">Read more.</a>

  • Ronaldo Silva

    Ronaldo Silva allegedly broke out of a Brazilian prison by dressing in drag in April, 2012. He was caught less than an hour by a cop who noticed that he walked funny in heels. <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/04/17/prison-escape-in-drag_n_1431558.html" target="_hplink">Read more.</a>

  • Ray Woods

    Ray Woods allegedly tied 89 bags of heroin and cocaine to his penis. When cops found him out, he reportedly urinated all over himself. <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/04/12/89-bags-of-heroin-tied-to-penis_n_1420733.html" target="_hplink">Read more.</a>

  • Keith Fehr

    Keith Fehr is accused of wearing a black dress and exposed himself to children at a park in Illinois. <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/04/05/keith-fehr-little-black-dress-indecent-exposure_n_1406703.html" target="_hplink">Read more. </a>

  • Raymond Foley

    Raymond Foley, an IT guy at an insurance company in West Des Moines, allegedly peed on four female co-workers' chairs over the course of five months. The company installed surveillance cameras in April, 2012 when the women complained, and reportedly caught Foley yellow handed. <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/04/03/it-guy-peed-on-chairs_n_1399398.html" target="_hplink">Read more.</a>

  • Jesse James Thomas

    Jesse James Thomas, arrested March 28 for public drunkenness, Thomas was wearing a sombrero when he jumped on an officer's parked patrol car screaming his name, according to an account in the <em>Sacramento Bee</em>. <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/03/30/jesse-james-thomas-sombrero-jumps-on-cop-car_n_1392754.html" target="_hplink">Read more. </a>

  • William Bliss

    William Bliss was arrested in March, 2012 after claiming four men made him carry a nuclear bomb -- while he was naked and drunk in the middle of an Iowa City street. <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/03/20/forced-to-handle-nuclear-weapon_n_1366879.html" target="_hplink">Read more.</a>

  • Christina Lopez

    Salem police say surveillance video shows Christina Lopez watched her 17-year-old daughter dance at Presley's Playhouse Cabaret, a strip club in Oregon. <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/03/18/christina-lopez-watched-daughter-strip_n_1356975.html" target="_hplink">Read more. </a>

  • Briana Rios

    Accused teenage Bookie Briana Rios of Florida is accused of taking bets on NBA and NFL games. <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/03/17/briana-rios-fla-teenager-bookie_n_1355315.html" target="_hplink">Read more. </a>

  • Matthew Ibarria

    Matthew Ibarria, a fugitive from Florida wanted for allegedly attacking a relative, was arrested after jumping naked from a car in Georgia. This dashboard video from a Kingsland Police Department vehicle allegedly shows him running away. <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/03/09/naked-man-matthew-ibarria-police-chase_n_1334638.html" target="_hplink">Read more.</a>

  • Jacob Lee Bovia

    Jacob Lee Bovia is facing real indecent exposure charges for exposing his fake genitalia to a group of women on Maryland's Anne Arundel Community College campus. <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/03/07/jacob-lee-bovia-arrested-exposing-fake-penis-maryland_n_1326558.html" target="_hplink">Read more. </a>

  • John Jardini

    John Jardini, 26, of Pittsburgh allegedly robbed a woman for $60 -- and then asked her out on a date by cell phone. The "love" story gets worse. Read more <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/03/06/robber-called-victim-for-date_n_1324449.html?ref=weird-news&ir=Weird News" target="_hplink">here.</a>

  • Jason Engel

    Jason Engel, 21, of Pittsburgh, was arrested after he skipped a court hearing on charges that he stole $400 from a 2-year-old's piggy bank. Read more <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/03/01/jason-engel-steals-from-piggy-bank_n_1313144.html?ref=crime&ir=Crime" target="_hplink">here.</a>

  • Michael Conley

    Former Elvis impersonator Michael Conley blamed his diabetes for starting a standoff with Florida police, in which he threatened to use a weapon of mass destruction against them. He allegedly held up a vial of what he called Ricin -- a highly potent toxin -- as he barricaded himself in a motel in February, 2012. He was arrested about four hours later. Read more <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/02/29/wmd-suspect-diabetes_n_1310202.html" target="_hplink">here.</a>