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12/31/2013 03:09 pm ET | Updated Jan 23, 2014

Amazon Reviewer: 'Because Of This Knife, I Will Never Die'

Amazon

Looks like you might be a little tired after buying this item off Amazon, at least according to one reviewer.

Grayslake, Ill., resident Jeffrey Kruse's Amazon review of the Para Cord Wrapped Hunting Knife from Szco Supplies was titled "Because of this knife, I will never die."

"I immediately knew [the knife] was something special as I could feel the box pulsating with pure power and adrenaline," Kruse explained. "I did not even have to open the box. Sensing my presence, the knife cut itself out of the box."

But what happens next might be the real reason to buy the 7-inch blade.

Based on the number of people who said they ordered this thing after reading Kruse's review, Amazon should probably hire this guy.

(Hat tip, bushweasel on Reddit)

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