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Gay One-Night Stands: Are They Keeping You From A Real Relationship?

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GAY ONE NIGHT STANDS
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By Rick Clemons for YourTango.com

We've all had the regrettable one night stand. But can you picture being stuck in a never-ending one? That's just hell.

Imagine: You. A drunken night. Not being able to find your purse or wallet, not being able to get rid of whoever it is that's laying half naked, sound asleep in bed next to you. That spiraling madness is a reality for the characters in Stuck, a quirky, weird, yet surprisingly realistic one-night-stand-gone-wrong new romantic comedy by Stuart Acher. It made me pause and wonder, "What the hell would I do if this were my reality?"

Gay, straight or bi, we've all been pressured by our overactive brains (or nether regions) to seek out sex. Don't shake your head; you know you've been there and done that — that, being a one night stand that you later regret.

Whether you find yourself stranded in a Los Angeles traffic jam, like Guy and Holly, Stuck's main characters, did; or, God forbid, you end up seated next to last night's fling, on a non-stop, 14-hour flight (as yours truly did once), or you just can't kick them out of bed fast enough, you have to wonder, "How did I end up here on my search for love?" Whether or you were drunk or not, it's your responsibility to address the awkward with an adult conversation (think "I had fun, but you're really not my type," rather than grabbing your stuff and running).

But getting rid of them isn't really the point: why do we find ourselves in one night stands, anyway? Out of desperation, need for acceptance, or because we grow tired of being the last living sibling not in a relationship? Because we jump at the chance to sex it up for the night, even though the only thing the two of we have in common, like Holly and Guy, is "the beginning of a bad dream"?

Whatever the reason, in attempt to avoid the pain of being an "untethered, bitter, party of one", the rules of engagement for conquests and expeditions can lead to pretty extreme behaviors. How many of you like Holly, have showed up for a blind date, been met by the words, "You must be Holly?" only to reply, "Oh I'm sorry you must have me mistaken for someone else, I'm Kim." So he didn't look like your type — does he deserve a hit and run? Or, maybe like Guy, you're a guy — gay or straight — who has a very simplistic view about dating and relationships: "Fun comes when we both do!"

Desaturation of relationships, or the expectations thereof, start with YOU. It may be painful to hear, but it's about YOU and your insistence that "nobody really gets you" that keeps you in the dating and relationship quagmire. It's YOU that is keeping your interactions shallow and surface-level.

Rather than venturing out to your favorite watering hole to sit at the bar and try, once again, to project the illusion that "Yes, I am truly enjoying being here alone and have no insecurities about it," or trusting that this will be the Ladies Night that "I will find the guy/gal of my dreams", why don't you go get stuck with yourself, in a traffic jam for a few hours, and figure out what's truly keeping you from finding meaningful connections. Once you have that honest conversation with yourself, you will be better able to relate to your potential mates and dates.

Better yet, as a favor to yourself, go give Stuck some love so this movie can make it to the really big screen instead of being stuck in crowd-sourcing limbo. I'd love to see an off-beat, award-winning, "it could happen to you" movie get the recognition it deserves. And with a little bit of donation love, you could download the movie and learn more fabulous lessons from Guy and Holly about the dangers, joys, insights, and love of self that shows up when your one night stand turns into something much crazier.

We might think this kind of crazy "guy meets girl" (or guy meets guy, or whatever) storyline only happens in Hollywood. But what if it didn't? What if we opened ourselves up to a great connection, like Guy and Holly, instead of seeking out meaningless hit and runs? What if a chance encounter turned into something amazing? Would you be ready for it?

What a novel thought for all of us — gay, straight, bisexual, transgender — to really get to know each other as humans in an honest, forthright, adult manner, rather than playing games. For crying out loud: Stop the madness. Quit being stuck in the denial and cycle of one night stands from hell. Hello... what hurts is not being honest, and forced to sit in a traffic jam, hungover, not even knowing one real thing about the person sitting next to you — except that you ended up in their bedroom! It's time to stop being stuck! It's for your own good. Say it with me: No more one night stands!

Get the scoop on STUCK.

And if you're a gay man who's still STUCK in any aspect of life, hook-up with me (not literally, unless you're really hot and my husband says it’s OK) The Gay Man's Life Coach for a complimentary consultation: Visit here.

More Stories On YourTango:

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This Is One Of The Most Complicated Love Stories Of All Time

Homosexuality: Your Coming Out Journey

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Sex: Expert Advice & Tips


This article originally appeared on YourTango.com: "Are You 'Stuck' In The One Night Stand Routine?"

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