If you want to take the gamble out of the fortune cookie guessing game, look no further than Misfortune Cookies, which will guarantee you a sh*tty fortune every time.
Misfortune Cookies think they're doing you a service -- the company is just telling you how it is.
"Crack open your damned miserable reality," the product details say. The cookies are the "perfect sobering accompaniment to a Chinese takeaway" if you can "face the brutal truth."
And just in case you were confused about how to enjoy your Misfortune Cookie, the company offers instructions, and doesn't sugar-coat things either:
Deal them out to your unfortunate friends, or sit alone and unlock your hopeless reality as you morbidly stuff down mouthfuls of Chinese food and ponder your own wretched existence.
Wait a minute -- aren't cookies supposed to make us feel better? If you need a pick-me-up after reading these "misfortunes," we've got your back. If you prefer to linger in the sobering reality of your miserable existence, Misfortune Cookies are available on Firebox.com for $19.69.