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Valentine's Day DOs And DON'Ts For Couples, Single People And The Hopelessly Confused

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To quote Bart Simpson, "I hate this stupid holiday! The only thing you can do is screw it up."

Amen.

Whether you're single, in a relationship or are so confused by modern dating that you don't even know anymore, here are some Valentine's Day DOs and DON'Ts to help you get through Feb. 14 like a champ.

  • 1
    Let's face it, Valentine's Day is something everyone dreads sometimes.
    ::Shudders::
  • 2
    If you're single, there's all this unnecessary pressure to have a date.
    Whoops.
  • 3
    That you actually know.
    Ahem.
  • 4
    A HUMAN date.
    Giphycom
    AHEM.
  • 5
    Even if you're happily single, being alone on Feb. 14 is supposed to be a let down.
    You say you don't care, but no one believes you.
  • 6
    It's not like it was back in elementary school, when V-Day was a no-brainer.
    Everyone "loves" everyone!
  • 7
    If you give an adult a Valentine, you might get rejected.
    Ugh.
  • 8
    So, DON'T resort to using boring, old clichés.
    Dream big.
  • 9
    Or groan-worthy puns.
    Come on, now.
  • 10
    Or... Whatever you call this.
    So romantic we can hardly stand it.
  • 11
    DO say something honest, funny and heartfelt.
    Oh, they'll Instagram this for sure.
  • 12
    If you're single, DON'T subject yourself to PDA-filled date night spots.
    You should probably just avoid any restaurant with a French word in its name.
  • 13
    DO take advantage of the fact that it's socially acceptable to gorge yourself on chocolates.
    Yum.
  • 14
    DON'T compare your plans to the people around you.
    Are you kidding me with this?
  • 15
    DO be creative in how you celebrate Valentine's Day.
    It doesn't have to be all lovey-dovey and lame.
  • 16
    And DON'T forget that it's not the only holiday on Feb. 14.
    The point is: you've got options.
  • 17
    DO surprise your Valentine with something special.
    It means even more if you made it yourself!
  • 18
    But DON'T expect a grand romantic gesture.
    No reason to get your hopes up based on stuff you've only seen on TV.
  • 19
    DO order a heart-shaped pizza.
    Seriously, no one will ever turn that down.
  • 20
    But DON'T got to far with the heart-shaped stuff.
    How... sweet?
  • 21
    DO tell someone you love them.
    A must.
  • 22
    DON'T think about how creepy Cupid is.
    A naked, winged baby who shoots you with an arrow? No thanks.
  • 23
    DO make roses made out of bacon.
    Okay, use vegetarian bacon if you must.
  • 24
    Or a kinky whip out of Twizzlers.
    You know, if they're into that kind of thing.
  • 25
    But DON'T give a gag gift when they're expecting something nice.
    Thanks?
  • 26
    DO pay attention to what your partner wants.
    Even if it's ridiculous.
  • 27
    DON'T cheap out on what you eat.
    If your date has a reservation at White Castle, maybe suggest staying in.
  • 28
    DO work on your pick-up lines.
    Nailed it.
  • 29
    DON'T Give anyone crabs, ironically or otherwise.
    You're better than this.
  • 30
    Or "affordable trash services."
    'Nuff said.
  • 31
    DO get dressed up.
    So dapper.
  • 32
    And most of all, DON'T take it too seriously.
    Seriously, guys. It's just another Friday night.

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