03/21/2014 01:45 pm ET | Updated Mar 21, 2014

12 Bagel And Cream Cheese Flavors That Shouldn't Exist

Image Source via Getty Images

A bagel and cream cheese is one of those classic combinations that can do no wrong in our eyes. Except when it goes so, so wrong. There are certain bagels out there that make us want to run and hide, and certain cream cheese flavors that risk turning us off of cream cheese forever.

We just can't get behind wet and fruity flavored cream cheese. There's a difference between cream cheese frosting and the cream cheese you spread on your bagel. That difference is a big one. If there's ever any confusion, your cream cheese should be savory. It should be plain or contain a very restricted number of ingredients, including scallions, vegetables, and that's pretty much it. If you see maple cream cheese and get confused all of a sudden, allow us to clarify so that you avoid making a terrible mistake: maple cream cheese frosting is awesome. You can eat it on cakes, for dessert. Maple cream cheese is a crime against humanity. Remember, that bagel is for breakfast.

Why someone would ruin a perfectly good plain bagel and cream cheese with blueberries is beyond us, and yet morning after morning, someone's buying that blueberry bagel.

Here are 12 bagels and cream cheese flavors that should never exist.

  • 1 Blueberry bagel
    Image Source via Getty Images
    We'll say it: we will judge you if we see you ordering a blueberry bagel.
  • 2 Pumpkin cream cheese
    Gimme Some Oven
    You're joking, right? You've just taken the pumpkin flavoring thing one step -- actually, a million steps -- too far.
  • 3 Lox cream cheese
    Go get some real lox. You won't regret it. And you'll never eat that blasphemous lox cream cheese spread again.
  • 4 Protein honey cream cheese
  • 5 Chocolate chip bagels
    Billy Hildbold/Flickr
    Chocolate chip cookies are one of life's greatest joys. Don't ruin them with a bagel.
  • 6 Strawberry cream cheese
    Maximilian Stock Ltd. via Getty Images
    We love strawberries. We hate strawberry cream cheese.
  • 7 Gingerbread bagel
    boldly wanderlust/Flickr
    Apparently this is a real thing. It shouldn't be. Just go eat some REAL GINGERBREAD!
  • 8 Dark chocolate cream cheese
    This is not what the inventor of cream cheese ever intended.
  • 9 Honey walnut cream cheese
    Back away from the bagel.
  • 10 Maple cream cheese
    Maple isn't right for everything, ok?
  • 11 Hawaiian bagel
    What the hell is this? Starbucks used to sell 'em. Some people loved them. We can't imagine who those people are.
  • 12 Pineapple cream cheese
    Food Service Direct
    Is this what you're supposed to eat on a Hawaiian bagel?

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