With St. Paddy's Day falling on Monday, many people's week started on a rough note. Adrienne Airhart poignantly noted this when she tweeted, "Too bad Halloween isn't the day after St. Patrick's because with all this green projectile vomitting there'd be some EPIC exorcist costumes." That's definitely a more a optimistic way of looking at it than most.
March Madness basketball kicked off this week, sending many into a crazed sports obsession. If you've ever attempted to fill out a March Madness bracket however, you'll agree withAbbi Crutchfield's assessment: "Filling out March Madness brackets always confuses me. 'Harvard has a team? Like owns one?'" While some were perplexed, others were willing to get on board with the excitement: "March Madness is my favorite sports tournament that also sounds like a clearance sale at JC Penney," Eliza Bayne tweeted.
For more great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
Too bad Halloween isn't the day after St. Patrick's because with all this green projectile vomitting there'd be some EPIC exorcist costumes
— Adrienne Airhart (@craydrienne) March 18, 2014
You know how you get sad before your birthday is over because your birthday is almost over? That's how I feel every time I eat lunch.
— Michelle Wolf (@michelleisawolf) March 18, 2014
I plan my vacations around cheese. I've never been more serious.
— Jenn - nay (@mynameshank) March 20, 2014
When my really dumb tweets fail to send I assume twitter is just trying to save me from myself.
— Elise Foley (@elisefoley) March 20, 2014
I'm looking for a friend with benefits. Preferably, someone with both Medical and Dental but I'd be ok with just Medical.
— Dana Dane (@Dana_Bruno) March 17, 2014
March Madness is my favorite sports tournament that also sounds like a clearance sale at JC Penney
— Eliza Bayne (@ElizaBayne) March 20, 2014
It's all fun and games until you have to google what he just sexted you
— Hotass McMuffin (@McKnightyBoo) March 19, 2014
The Real Housewives of Why Are You Watching This
— OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) March 20, 2014
Filling out March Madness brackets always confuses me. "Harvard has a team? Like owns one?"
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) March 20, 2014
The pragmatist just goes and fills up the rest of the fucking glass.
— Liana Maeby (@lianamaeby) March 20, 2014
how many cupcakes for breakfast is too many cupcakes for breakfast
— courtney nunes (@courtney_nunes) March 21, 2014
It's almost like this guy riding his bike around campus without touching the handlebars doesn't even know how many panties he's dropping.
— Katie Katie Katie (@kchees) March 21, 2014
The face of fear is my husband pulling long hair from the shower drain, as though there might be another lady attached to it down the drain.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) March 19, 2014
"started from the bottom, now we're here" - super on point when tweeting from an airplane
— Sapna Maheshwari (@sapnam) March 21, 2014
The main button on my iPhone is sticking and I've been wondering all day whether I'd prefer this or to lose my pinky toe.
— Greenfield-Sanders (@Liliana) March 20, 2014
My new pickup line for guys is asking them if they want to be my emergency contact.
— Monica Ann (@Monicann86) March 21, 2014
Want you to know that if I wind up dead in my apartment, it was because the cat couldn't handle any more Backstreet Boys Spotify radio.
— Ella Ceron (@ellaceron) March 21, 2014
Noodles are the one
— kiera (@thekierausman) March 21, 2014
"I'm just going in to get milk" and $83 later, I now understand why it's not recommended to step foot in a grocery store when hungry.
— Quite Quiet One (@QuiteQuietOne) March 19, 2014
Why do they still force actors to be so skinny? We've got wide screens now. Plenty of room.
— Jocelyn Plums (@FilthyRichmond) March 21, 2014