We're going to just get straight to it: bananas are amazing and artificial banana flavoring is an abomination against taste buds everywhere. Banana flavoring is something we will just never understand -- it's even worse than artificial grape.
Banana-flavored things do not taste like banana. Will anyone argue that point? In fact, if there is someone out there who thinks they taste the same, we'd love to talk to you. You sound very interesting and mostly confusing.
Bananas have given us a lot. They are responsible for so many delicious things. (We're not even going to get into their contributions to bread-baking, smoothie making and quick breakfast-solving.) And what have we done to repay them? Represented them in the worst possible way.
We present you with the 14 most heinous crimes against the banana:
Imitation Banana Extract
The culprit. This is your fault, imitation banana extract. We don't know why you exist, but you've brought infinite sadness into our lives.
This is just the meanest thing we've ever seen. Why do banana Runts even exist?
Photo via Reddit user Alucard76
Top Banana Jelly Bellys
We'd like to introduce the person who orders a whole bag of Top Banana Jelly Bellys to the person responsible for the all-banana Runts dispenser fiasco. You guys deserve each other.
We dare you to say the words "banana milk" and not gag a little.
Banana Laffy Taffy
Banana Laffy Taffy is one of the candy worlds greatest crimes against our taste buds. Comedian Kumail Nanjiani once described it thusly: "It's like someone whispered the word 'banana' to a piece of Silly Putty."
Artificial banana flavor, married with low-quality, high-proof alcohol. We actually can't think of something we're less likely to drink than 99 Bananas.
Seriously, tell us one time that you have reached into a box of these and discovered that there were either any root beer or lemon lime popsicles left. WHAT THE HECK is a banana popsicleeven doing hanging out with root beer and lemon lime?
Banana Sno Cone Syrup
Where is the public outcrying for banana Sno Cones?? Please introduce us to one person who has ever requested a banana Sno Cone.
The one reason we're glad Hostess had to shut down.
Photo via Flickr user tengrrl
Banana Bread Beer
Banana bread is such a beautiful thing. Beer is such a beautiful thing. Together, they are a horrible monster. This is like when two of your friends date and it makes everyone else miserable.
Photo via Flickr user Blyzz