Huffpost Divorce

11 Ways To Make Marriage Last The Second (Or Third!) Time Around

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Saying "I do" is a bit different the second time around. You accept the proposal with more reservations (getting a divorce, however long ago it's been, will leave you a little shaky). The ceremony itself will generally be smaller, the wedding dress a little less dramatic. (Then again, how could anything top your Princess Di-rivaling poof extravaganza back in '85?)

You're older, wiser, and you're making a concerted effort to learn from your mistakes and make this marriage last.

That's certainly true for HuffPost Divorce readers. Below, they draw from personal experience to share their best advice on making a second (or third marriage) go the distance.

1. "Take a good look at your contributions to the end of your first and second marriages before even thinking about marrying again. It's all about self-improvement."

2. "Never look to anyone else -- even your spouse -- to make you happy. Beyond that, say what you need to say in the relationship. Be direct and unfiltered and never stop communicating."

3. "Communicate, communicate, communicate. Marriage is a perpetual work in progress. You fall in love and easily get caught up in this new person in your life, but you have to work to keep the spark alive. That applies to any lasting relationship."

4. "Go to therapy before you get married again. Take inventory of yourself and remind yourself how important it is to be true to yourself before you're true to another."

5. "Each individual needs to be whole. Don't fall for any of that 'you complete me' nonsense."

6. "Find someone who allows you to be yourself fully and doesn't want you to be his version of you."

7. "You've had years of practice when it comes to being a good listener. Use that to your benefit; marriage is all about communicating."

8. "Establish trust. You need to feel some emotional safety with your spouse and have a strong sense that your partner has your back when things get tough."

9. "Learn from the past. Know that individual growth on the part of both partners will help you thrive in a new relationship. Make sure you enter the relationship with an open mind and heart."

10. "Realize that you'll carry all your own flaws from marriage to marriage, unless you make an effort to fix them."

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