Welcome to "Game of Moans," the weekly recap of "Game of Thrones" Season 4 that highlights all the moan-worthy, gasp-filled, OMG moments that litter the Seven Kingdoms. In other words, you can get a traditional recap anywhere, so here's all the sex, bloodshed, and WTF moments (the good stuff) that went down this week:
(MAJOR SPOILER ALERT if you haven't seen Season 4, Episode 2 "The Lion and the Rose.")
The OMFG, WTF Moan:
JOFFREY'S DEAD!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!
(Excuse me for a moment while I continue to howl in shock and jump feverishly with glee.)
Sunday night's (April 13) episode "The Lion and the Rose" was incredibly epic and the Purple Wedding will certainly go down in "GoT" history as one of the best (and most rewarding) episodes ever. It served up the most unexpected, glorious shock (except for all you book readers) that almost didn't feel real.
At first, it seemed like Joffrey was just joking around, like the brat he is.
It got serious when he fell and started throwing up.
And then, Cersei turned him over -- and he was DYING!
It really happened!
Although it was only a matter of time before Joffrey was murdered, it was a surprise that it happened so early in the season. Regardless, let's all take a moment to thank the old gods and the new for finally answering our (and Arya's) prayers, and to give a round of applause for whatever brave soul did it.
But about that -- who actually killed him? A few speculations thus far:
Who killed Joffrey?
- Tyrion: Of course, he appears to be the most guilty. He blatantly threatened Joffrey's life at the last small council meeting at the end of Season 3, and also has total reason to kill his devilish nephew. But did he do it? Tyrion seems like a man who's smart enough to control his urges, and killing the King in front of everyone while clearly framing himself would be completely stupid. Tyrion is the perfect person to set up for Joffrey's murder, so he's off my suspect list.
- Olenna Tyrell: There was something about the look on her face right when Tyrion walked up to grab Joffrey's goblet for the last time. Maybe she was just sympathizing for poor Tyrion, but she seemed a little suspicious to me.
- Sansa: Out of anyone in King's Landing, or all of the Seven Kingdoms, Sansa has the most cause to kill Joffrey. Yet she's just too meek of a girl to carry out such an act.
- Tyrion eating a sausage immediately after the scene with Theon suffering was a nice little dose of humor. Good one, George RR Martin (who penned this episode).
- What's a Royal Wedding without full-frontal female nudity from a contortionist? Podrick definitely enjoyed that girl's presence.
- The award for Best Comeback Ever in "GoT" definitely goes to Loras Tyrell. His biting remark to Jaime about never marrying Cersei was perfect (although we do feel kinda bad for the one-handed guy).
- And then Cersei calling out Brienne for being in love with Jaime? The incestuous sexual tension at this wedding was ridiculous.
- Important thing to note: Cersei's back in full bitch mode, so be sure to not piss her off.
"Game of Thrones" airs on HBO on Sundays at 9 p.m. EDT.