'Veep' Season 3 Episode 2 Recap: Jonah Wins The First Official Diss Rankings

04/14/2014 11:32 am ET | Updated Apr 20, 2014

The best thing about "Veep" is the writing. I mean, whoever thought to call Jonah Ryan "Jolly Green Jizz Face" was born with a lyrical gift. HuffPost TV's recaps of the HBO show will pay tribute to the off-the-cuff one-liners and number of "fucks" uttered in the Eisenhower building with the official "Veep" diss rankings. Looks like Jonah won "Veep" Season 3 Episode 2 (with a special shoutout to a certain online publication). Well played, Hepatatis J.

jonah timothy simons

Jonah Ryan

  • What's up y'all punk ass bitches? I'm Jonah Ryan.
  • This is Jonah Ryan and you are witnessing the birth of Ryantology. Old media like the Washington Toast better go run and hide in the bathroom and join the Poo York Times because we are cutting in. I am going to be updating more than I'm actually dating, which is a shitload.
  • Boom boom, shake shake the womb!
  • Fuck HuffPo. They should call if PuffHo because Arianna Huffington is a straight up ho and all they do are puff pieces. (Hey, we can take a joke!)

Selina Meyer

  • Maybe I should just say, "Get the government out of my fucking snatch."
  • If men got pregnant, they could get an abortion at an ATM.
  • I'm looking at a page and I'm seeing most of America standing up proudly and saying, "I don't know."

Dan Egan

  • The only laundering you're going to be doing from now on is prison blankets.
  • I love abortion. I am an abortionado, but I would go pro-life in a fetal fucking heartbeat if it meant winning.

Ben Caffrey

  • Ma'am, I swear to God, we all thought he was going to eat some shrimp, rattle off a few platitudes, go home, watch "Full Metal Jacket" for the millionth time and fall asleep.
  • I'm going home, and if anyone needs me, I don't care.

Gary Walsh

  • It's a shame they couldn't arrest someone more photogenic.

Mike McLintock

  • Copycat Selina, that's what they'll say. Me Too Meyer. Shit for brains. No they won't say that.

"Veep" airs Sunday at 10:30 p.m. EDT on HBO.

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