DIVORCE
04/15/2014 03:44 pm ET | Updated Apr 15, 2014

How You Imagine Your First Date Will Go Vs. What It's Actually Like

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You did it! You've weeded through seemingly thousands of questionable online dating profiles (we're looking at you, hairy man riding a unicorn on Tinder) and found the one person you're willing to date!

He could be The One -- or at least the one you're willing to share a really awkward first date with. But your expectations for that date versus the reality of it can be very different, particularly after a really long dry spell. Don't give up hope -- but also don't say we didn't warn you.

Before the date, you text a friend.

Expectation: "I need you to be on alert in case this guy is an ax murderer and we need to enact the escape plan," you say.

Reality: You accidentally send the text to your date, thereby casting an awkward cloud over the whole evening.

Whatever, you're already over it. Time to meet this dude.

Expectation: You walk in and all heads turn in the place, including your date's.

Reality: You epically eat shit because you're graceful like that.
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You lock eyes with your date.

Expectation: Oh, hello.
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Reality: He's a little...intense.
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Time for dinner!

Expectation: You suggest going to that ramen place known for bringing the heat -- and you slurp down those spicy noodles like a pro.

Reality: You are not a pro.

Dinnertime small talk.

Expectation: The conversation is titillating -- and you never once mention your ex.

Reality: You mention your ex.

Yikes, let's move on. What's the chemistry like between you and this new guy?

Expectation: Off the charts. We're talking Gosling-McAdams levels here.

Reality: You're firmly at Erin Andrews-50 Cent levels of chemistry -- and our fingers are crossed that you're the Erin and not the Fiddy in this scenario.

Maybe you need to try a little harder. Time to deploy that come-hither look that used to bring all the boys to the yard way back when.

Expectation: Boom.
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Reality: Yeah, no. You need to stop that immediately.

On a whim, your date suggests you guys go dancing.

Expectation: You've got this. You love dancing -- and you look effortlessly cool as always.

Reality: Eh, not so much.
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You're utterly spent. You dial it back and suggest getting some coffee. You're about to fall asleep and it's only 10 p.m.

Expectation: The barista adds little steamed milk hearts to you and your dates' lattes so clearly, it must be love.
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Reality: It's too late for coffee to save you. Look at you, you fell asleep in the Uber.
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The end of the date.

Expectation: You walk up to your door and make out on the doorstep because the chemistry is like woah.
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Reality: You awkwardly hug for two unbearable seconds and even that is too long. Kill. Me. Now.
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Dating: never again.

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