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'Veep' Season 3 Episode 3 Recap: Selina Dominates The Diss Rankings

04/20/2014 10:59 pm 22:59:21 | Updated Apr 21, 2014
ASSOCIATED PRESS

Selina Meyer won HuffPost TV's "Veep" diss rankings by a landslide this week. In the April 20 episode, "Alicia," the veep prepared to give the most important speech of her life, announcing her candidacy for president. She also got nailed with an "SNL" spoof, more horrific PR from Mike and a battle over universal child care.

"Alicia" may have been the HBO show's most self-aware episode yet. Viewers got to watch a cast of grade A comedians bash "comedians" and hear Julia Louis-Dreyfus call "SNL," a show she once starred on, "juvenile." Here are the best one-liners, zingers and lingering disses from "Veep" Season 3 Episode 3, "Alicia."

Selina Meyer

  • Dan, this rewrite kicks balls and ass.
  • So what, I had a horse as a kid? Who didn't? Have a pet is what I meant.
  • If someone takes a shit in your car, what are you going to do? Drop your trou and take a crap through the sunroof? I don't think so buddy.
  • You start picking this thing apart and what am I left as? Some sort of optimistic warmonger with a soft spot for educated gays?
  • You want me to be just some sort of party puppet? You can stick your hand up my ass and work my mouth?
  • What in the wide world of fuck do you think you're wearing?
  • I'm supposed to let a bunch of dead-eyed white guys shit all over absolutely everything I stand for?
  • I decided I'm going to let them dictate me because it's my decision.

Kent Davison

  • Children are of no value. Forget child care.
  • If you don't like the reality, go live in Oregon and make quilts with my mother. She could use the help.

Sue Wilson

  • Ma'am it's Amy. It sounds like she's uncomfortable, like she's with a member of the public.
  • This is your beauty pageant for the nearly dead.

Ben Caffrey

  • This "Saturday Night Live" shitstorm, it just hit nine on the sphincter scale.

Mike McLintock

  • I'm trying to help you, you stupid cow!

Catherine Meyer

  • I have had a hard, lonely, miserable life and the only thing that is going to make it worthwhile is if I become the daughter of the next president of the United States. So, you need to go out there and stop behaving like a little bitch.

"Veep" airs Sundays at 10:30 p.m. EDT on HBO.

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