This week, most places actually started to feel like spring. Finally, actual birds join the daily chorus of tweeting. The Internet collectively celebrated the arrival of Olivia Wilde and Jason Sudeikis' first child, and Wilde responded to congratulations with the most perfect post-birth tweet: "Having an infant son alerts me to the fact that every man, at one point, has peed on his own face." Congrats, Olivia, on the beautiful baby and important realization.
The early spring cold spell has finally given up, and it didn't take long for us to start tweeting a few warm weather laments. "Blow drying my hair makes me sweat enough to need another shower," tweeted Rhiannon Johnson. Allergens tend to make us a bit fatigued but as Shari VanderWerf reminded us, "Caffeine is just CAPS LOCK for your life." Does that mean wine is the Edit + Undo?
For more great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
I wonder if my dead grandparents are proud that I am in my 30s with no children debating a show about dragons with strangers
— Katrin (@KatraHigher) April 21, 2014
Struck by the horrific realization that my son might not want me to be his prom date. Hopefully, I can at least go with one of his friends.
— Jenny Mollen (@jennyandteets) April 21, 2014
What I hate most about Twitter: finishing a good tweet, having -1 character left, and then having to decide which grammar crime to commit.
— Gabrielle Elizabeth (@GabyGrl90) April 21, 2014
"--and someone was like, if you love it so much, why don't you marry it," she said, helping the garlic bread hold a pen to sign the license.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) April 21, 2014
Sometimes the best part of my day is imagining what I'm gonna eat when I get off work.
— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) April 21, 2014
Having an infant son alerts me to the fact that every man, at one point, has peed on his own face. #awesome
— olivia wilde (@oliviawilde) April 24, 2014
I lost my virginity around the same time the soundtrack 2"Amelie"came out& that was a bummer combo in the ingredients of my sexual identity
— jenny slate (@jennyslate) April 22, 2014
Caffeine is just CAPS LOCK for your life.
— Shari VanderWerf (@shariv67) April 25, 2014
I'll call bullshit if heaven isn't full of pugs dressed like turn of the century oil barons.
— Janine Brito (@janinebrito) April 25, 2014
I'm starting to come to terms with the fact that I'll never not be jealous of the Olsen Twins
— Annie Stamell (@stamos) April 25, 2014
Look lady. Your kid told me she was a princess and I know she's lying therefore I'm always gonna respond with, "Bitch, please..."
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) April 22, 2014
Used a lint roller this morning, it's like my mom paid off drake so I'd remember I own one
— Noreen Malone (@NoreenMalone) April 23, 2014
Do men know the prevalence of 👯 in women's texts to each other?
— Nikki Glaser (@NikkiGlaser) April 20, 2014
Apparently frantically saying "stop! stop!" is not the best way to get Chop't employees to not chop your salad.
— DWB (@dwbronner) April 25, 2014
Blow drying my hair makes me sweat enough to need another shower.
— Rhiannon Johnson (@writerrhiannon) April 25, 2014
My phone just corrected "good" to "food," and I have never felt so judged in my life.
— Ella Cerón (@ellaceron) April 25, 2014
Google as Spell Check: For when you want to take comfort in the fact that 10,000+ people are the same kind of dumb as you.
— Sloane Crosley (@askanyone) April 22, 2014
Feminism won't be "done" until there's no pay disparity, rape, or misogyny. But I'll admit dry shampoo really moved the ball forward.
— Annabel Oakes (@annabeloakes) April 25, 2014