'Veep' Season 3 Episode 5 Recap: Everyone Is Terrible

05/05/2014 08:28 am ET | Updated May 05, 2014

Ah, how we wish Joe Biden would have showed up for this "Veep" episode. Instead, Selina Meyer and her motley crew of jizzers and dog murderers tried -- and failed -- to stop Maddox from running for President. They couldn't even poach Jonah, nor could Selina convince a hoity toity campaign manager to join her staff. 'Twas a sad day in the Eisenhower building. Luckily, "Veep" Season 3 Episode 5 gave us killer one-liners and insults that thrust Selina further up on HuffPost TV's "Veep" Diss Rankings. Get it, girl. Here are the best lines from "Fishing."

Selina Meyer

  • I love the country. Peeing in a bush, being talked to on a porch. It's kind of like being a dog.
  • I'd rather be shot in the fucking face than serve as Vice President again. Seriously, in the fucking face.
  • You know, Mike. It would please me greatly, if you would do me the honor of removing your jizzbox from our executive branch of government.
  • Listen, I'm going to get rid of the team, the whole bunch. Desperate Dan, flailing Amy, crippled Gary, jizzy Mike.
  • Right before Andrew and I split up, I don't know if you remember, but his car caught fire... I did it. I torch cars. Give me the nuclear codes!

Amy Brookheimer

  • You may never meet her personally. She may never catch your eye or thank you, but Selina Meyer will never forget you.
  • I've eaten hummus with a pen cap. Don't tell me how I can eat.
  • Two ex-military candidates are going to squeeze you out, ma'am. The subtext of every question will be, "Yeah, you're pretty, but can you break a man's neck?"
  • Fuck you, Dan, you minor league gigolo!

Dan Egan

  • You guys are the chosen ones. Not in a Jewish way either. In a like selected from a very short list of 10 way.
  • When I was a kid, a bunch of older kids dared me to kill this stray dog and I did.

Mike McLintock

  • Some people say three microwaves is overkill. My response is always, "Tapas!"
  • Watching you try to be nice is like watching a baby smoke a cigarette. It's kind of cool, but also very disturbing.

Kent Davison

  • You are going to change America in a way that usually only war and fluoride can.

Ed Webster

  • I guess I'll go tell the violinist that he has the night off. I'll just have him play me a bunch of Smiths covers in my car.
Jonah Ryan
  • People like me. People hire me. People date me and people fuck me because I'm triple-A fucking awesome and no other reason.

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