Author Tracy McMillan Shares 4 Questions To Ask When Your Relationship Isn't Working (VIDEO)

05/06/2014 10:01 am ET | Updated May 06, 2014

Call it a sixth sense, a nagging feeling or simple intuition, but when a relationship isn't working out, you know it. What you don't always know, however, is why. Relationship author Tracy McMillan, who penned the book Why You're Not Married… Yet, has written often about love and recently shared some of her advice with Oprah on an episode of "Super Soul Sunday."

The first thing you should do when you sense that your relationship isn't going the way you want it to, McMillan says, is to look inwardly. This idea often conflicts with our instincts to "fix" the other person, but McMillan insists that looking inwardly is an essential perspective to have when it comes to relationships.

McMillan is quick to explain that it's not about looking for flaws or being hyper-critical of yourself. "Don't look at it in a way of being mean to yourself and going, 'How come you haven't figured it out yet?'" she says.

That's not the right question to ask. Instead, McMillan says that you should ask yourself four questions when your relationship is on the rocks:

1. Where do I need to love myself more?

2. What is it that I'm here to learn?

3. What is it that I believe about myself that this situation is showing me?

4. What can I do about it?

By asking these four questions, you'll find clarity not just within your relationship, but yourself. Like McMillan, Oprah strongly believes that everything in life teaches us more about ourselves.

"Every experience, every encounter, is there to help us to come to know more fully who we really are," Oprah says. "Nothing that ever happens is wasted -- unless you let it be wasted."

"Super Soul Sunday" airs Sundays at 11 a.m. ET on OWN, during which it also streams worldwide on Oprah.com, Facebook.com/owntv and Facebook.com/supersoulsunday.

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