If the recent Solange/Jay Z fight has taught us anything, it's that elevators are just weird.
Think about it. You're riding in a metal box with strangers. Someone's always watching. There are unspoken rules. If you consider what you're actually doing for more than a second, it becomes terrifying. But there are certain things that can make riding in an elevator even more awkward than it has to be.
So, aside from getting into a high-profile celebrity brawl, here are some other things you should never, ever do in an elevator.
- Clip your nails.
- Eat literally any type of food.
- Talk on your phone for more than 3 seconds.
- Ask if anyone has heard of that thing where elevators just drop for no reason.
- Press the elevator "stop" button to prolong going to work.
- Break up with someone.
- Think it's your floor, realize it's not, then get back on without making an awkward apology.
- Request assistance with your wedgie.
- Practice your weird performance art.
- Declare, "I've brought you all here for a reason," then get off without saying anything.
- Cry uncontrollably.
- Take a selfie.
- Cry uncontrollably while taking a selfie.
- Tell an inside joke to a friend, then judge the other riders for not getting the joke.
- Run in and frantically hit the "Door Close" button while screaming, "They're coming to get me! They're coming to get me!"
- Challenge your fellow riders to a jumping contest.
- Attempt to lead the elevator in a rousing cover of "Let It Go."
- Pretend you're doing reconnaissance work for a future, high-stakes heist.
- Sing "Happy Birthday" to no one in particular.
- Mark your territory by urinating in the corner.
- Ask the person next to you if your cut looks infected.
- Commit treason
- Invent a new kind form of renewable energy.
- Announce that you're running for President in 2016.
- Take it back, declare yourself "Elevator President" for life.
- Okay, seriously though? Just don't do THIS.
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