The women of Twitter were doling out love advice left and right this week. And what's love without a little bit of danger? Twitter user Moe tweeted: "Put a tiny bomb in his phone/when he says/'this bitch won't stop blowing up my phone'/the bomb will detonate/problem solved." Please, don't try this at home ladies.
Although some do resort to danger, others are simply a bit discouraged with certain realizations about their love lives. Erin Whitehead came to such realization this week when she tweeted, "All the men who seem worthy of my love are fictional and written by women." We'd take Emily Brontë over a man any day.
Deciding what you value in a partner can be tough, but Twitter user Callie really sounds like she knows what she wants in a person: "I love you... But not give you my last piece of bacon love you. **Me to pretty much everyone." Priorities, people. Priorities.
For more great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
Too bad sleeping your way to the top does not include taking naps in the conference rooms.
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) May 20, 2014
Nothing makes me feel lazier than a pregnant lady in heels. That and athletes.
— Shalyah Evans (@ShalyahEvans) May 19, 2014
The lady at the waxing place asked "What style you want?" and I didn't know so I said "Just give me The Rachel"
— Anna Drezen (@annadrezen) May 19, 2014
The first rule of Introvert Club is don't talk to me. The second rule is I don't even like clubs, I quit.
— Sarah ... (@meowsepink) May 20, 2014
Even after getting punched in the face with a smell I still think "I love you New York"
— Sarah Silverman (@SarahKSilverman) May 21, 2014
The people at the gym are looking at me like they expect me to share my KFC.
— Swishergirl (@Swishergirl24) May 21, 2014
You know who would have been intolerable? Harry and Sally's kids.
— Drew Grant (@videodrew) May 22, 2014
We should at least have the option to spontaneously combust when we run into people we don't want to see.
— Sarah Heyward (@shinyunicorn) May 22, 2014
put a tiny bomb in his phone
when he says
"this bitch won't stop blowing up my phone"
the bomb will detonate
— Moe (@_Mo_lee_) May 18, 2014
Somewhere between a selfie and a picture of dessert lurks a healthy body image.
— Ana Gasteyer (@AnaGasteyer) May 23, 2014
I didn't like Godzilla Bc he hits women. Rude.
— Veronica de Souza (@HeyVeronica) May 22, 2014
"i'll see you cats later!" -- me to guys
"i'll see you guys later!" -- me to cats
— whitney streed (@whitneystreed) May 21, 2014
Please invent: a sex toy connected to my biofeedback that remotely self destructs when I die so my grieving mom doesn't have to find it.
— Erin Gloria Ryan (@morninggloria) May 22, 2014
All the men who seem worthy of my love are fictional and written by women.
— erin whitehead (@girlwithatail) May 18, 2014
"I am here to make friends" - Canadian reality show contestants
— Mara Wilson (@MaraWritesStuff) March 25, 2014
First rule of anxiety club: I forget, this is too stressful I'm leaving
— Amy Dentata (@AmyDentata) May 22, 2014
Hey, so, in RENT there's a part where a woman pays a street performer to help her murder a dog? Can we talk about this?
— Jenny Jaffe (@jennyjaffe) May 22, 2014
I love you... But not give you my last piece of bacon love you.
**Me to pretty much everyone.
— callie (@callie_cakes) May 22, 2014
Craving margaritas is an emotion, right?
— Tammy (@OkieGirl405) May 23, 2014
NYC is so easy and cool and on point with their street grid and then comes the west village like fuck you we doin triangle blocks
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) May 22, 2014
If I become a problem for you, please throw money at me.
— Lori (@loribuckmajor) May 19, 2014
Working from home this a.m. & playing Austin Mahone on repeat the construction workers outside my window are IN FOR A TREAT LET ME TELL YOU
— Taylor Trudon (@taylortrudon) May 23, 2014