I try to be a fairly “chill” girl. If you cancel on me for dinner because your dog got eaten by a bear, I get that. On the other hand, if you’re late to dinner because you caught the tail-end of SportsCenter’s “Top 10,” well that’s just friggin’ annoying. Of course that would only happen once because I’d immediately withhold sex privileges for a week, but the rest of this list? It all happens so often that I might as well put on a chastity belt and throw away the key.
20. Not knowing how to use an iron. No, your wrinkled clothes do not make you look whimsical, artistic, or laid-back. You look like you don’t live with your mother anymore, and it’s not going so well. Christ, just throw your shirt in the dryer for like 5 minutes so I don’t look like I’m walking around with a raisin. Is that so hard?
19. Staring above your date’s head to check the score. Seriously? Use one of your seven electronic devices to check the score (but not really, but that’s annoying as fuck-all too). Don’t stare at the screen above my head when I’m telling you where I’m from, just wait until I leave the bar. Which, luckily for me, will be soon since you apparently can’t manage to survive sans ESPN for two hours of your evening.
18. Thinking that every girl, ever, in the entire universe, is trying to date you. I asked you what you like to do for fun, not if you were eligible for a long, meaningful romantic relationship. Don’t flatter yourself. Stop assuming that every girl wants your s**t. Girls aren’t automatically interested in you because you’re a good-looking dude. When you assume they are, congratulations!
17. Leaving the seat up. I can’t believe I’m even writing this one. Put the seat down after you take a p*ss in my bathroom. If you don’t, kindly exit my apartment for the rest of eternity.