Huffpost Divorce

Here's How To Cope With A Divorce -- While Pregnant

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PREGNANT WOMAN SAD
Julie Fairman via Getty Images

If there's ever a time you need a little distraction in your life, it's during the divorce process. That's why we launched our Divorce Care Package series. With each post, we'll show you what things -- books, movies, recipes -- helped others relieve stress in the midst of divorce, in the hopes that a few of their picks will serve you well, too. Want to share what got you through your divorce? Email us at divorce@huffingtonpost.com or tweet @HuffPost Divorce

The only thing more stressful than getting a divorce? Getting a divorce while eight months pregnant. Sure, duking it out with your ex over property and who gets the dog is rough, but try doing it while contending with Braxton Hicks contractions. It's not for the faint of heart.

That was a reality for writer Debra Rogers, a HuffPost blogger and the author of He Did You A Favor. Below, Rogers tells us more of her story and shares with us the handful of things that made the situation a little less stressful.

  • The Quote
    ReciteThis
    "It was 3 o’clock in the morning when I found out my husband was having an affair. I was eight months pregnant. When he left I was terrified, drowning in a sea of self-wallowing and shame, not knowing how to find the shore. But after my daughter was born, everything changed. It changed the way I saw myself, the way I saw my life, and how I was going to live it from here on. This quote is still very powerful for me because I learned so much during that painful time. I now navigate life with a strength and confidence I’ve never had before."
  • The Movies
    Amazon.com
    "As a new mother, the first few months I could barely keep my eyes open (by the way, sleep deprivation sucks)! When my daughter started sleeping through the night, I went through my share of iconic breakup flicks such as 'Living Out Loud,' 'Bridget Jones’ Diary' and 'When Harry Met Sally.' I devoured microwave popcorn and mint chocolate chip ice cream. I blew through boxes of Kleenex. It may be cliché, but sometimes it simply works. It’s important to let sadness move through you, instead of holding onto it."
  • The Playlist
    "I made a Pity Party Playlist of breakup songs. Every night, I’d dance and sing in the kitchen with my newborn baby. It soon became my Power Playlist, because it helped me work through my grief, made me feel better, and my daughter loved it! Some songs on the playlist? 'Since U Been Gone' by Kelly Clarkson, 'Leave The Pieces' by The Wreckers, 'Something More' by Sugarland, 'Shut Up and Drive' by Chely Wright, 'New Hometown' by Sara Evans and '(There’s Gotta Be) More To Life' by Stacie Orrico."
  • The Recipe
    Shutterstock / Doorq
    "I'd lost weight during the last months of my pregnancy because I was so depressed. Before I gave birth, I looked like a twig with a beach ball. After my daughter was born, there came a point when I realized I needed to get healthy, both mentally and physically. During that time I discovered greenie shakes. It was a much healthier alternative to ice cream and chips!"
  • The Work Of Art
    Alfredo Estrella via Getty Images
    "One of my first outings as a single mom was to see Gregory Colbert’s 'Ashes and Snow.' It was a traveling photography and film exhibition, which captured extraordinary moments between people and animals. I remember it was a big deal for me to get out of isolation. As I strolled my daughter around, I was awestruck. It was beyond anything I had ever seen before. Every photograph was so full of love, compassion, hope, and healing. It was very emotional for me. I suddenly didn’t feel alone anymore."
  • The Splurge
    VancityAllie/Flickr
    "I definitely indulged in some retail therapy after my breakup. My ex used to buy me expensive shoes, so when he left that was one of my 'feel better boosts.' Jimmy Choo, Stuart Weitzman, and Salvatore Ferragamo were my go-to shoe guys. I still wear them. Unlike my marriage, they’ve lasted forever!"
  • The Getaway
    Don Smith via Getty Images
    "Traveling with my daughter was empowering. It got me out of the house and out of my self-imposed rut. I went to San Francisco, New York, Cape Cod and Maui. Maui was the most healing. The first time I went, I visited the Four Seasons where my ex and I got married. Sounds crazy, right? Why would I want to do that? Because the day after my daughter was born my ex-husband said, 'Maybe we should’ve never gotten married.' It was like a gut-punch. So I wanted to return to that spot with my daughter to confirm that there was a reason for our marriage, even though it was over. It gave me the closure I needed. I ended up staying next door at the Fairmont Kea Lani every year after that. It became my home away from home. My daughter literally grew up there, going from the kiddie pool to the big pool. Now when I think of Maui, I only think of great memories with my daughter."
  • The Hobby
    Debra Rogers
    "Journaling was one of the first things I did after my breakup. It allowed me to get all those crazy, self-destructive thoughts out of my head and onto the page. Most importantly, it got me writing again (something I’d given up during my marriage). It was my daily therapy. Those journals inspired me to write, 'He Did You a Favor: A Smart Girls Guide to Breaking Up, Waking Up, and Discovering the Gift of YOU.' The book just won three book awards in New York: The 2014 Independent Publishing Award, the 2014 Next Generation Indie Book Award, and the 2014 Indie Discovery Award. So you could say I’m an award-winning author because my ex did me a favor!"

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