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The Definitive Ranking Of The 100 Best Emoji

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It was recently announced that there will soon be some 250 new emojis. Yay!!

emoji

In honor of this new era in little Japanese pictograms, we thought we'd pay tribute to the classics. To do so, we've ranked the 100 best emojis, not according to frequency of use as the smart people at FiveThirtyEight recently did, but according to a more scientific set of criteria that is definitely not just our own personal opinion.

Without further ado, here are the 100 greatest emoji:

100. The '100' Symbol Thing

100 emoji

This one only made it because of this article's headline.

99. Floppy Disk

floppy disk

Could you even fit all the emojis on one of these?

98. Fax Machine

fax machine

Because you never know when you're going to need to text someone about faxing using a device that's made faxing technologically obsolete.

97. Cyclone

cyclone

According to this emoji, hurricanes are about as scary as swirl doodles.

96. Octopus

octopus

Oh, you didn't know octopuses only have four legs and huge heads?

95. Angry Face

rage

For when you get angry about factually inaccurate emojis.

94. Strong Arm

strong arm

This also works when you're agitated.

93. Fist

punch emoji

Or this.

92. Gun

gun

But we don't condone gun violence.

91. Wolf Face

wolf face

Wait, is this a wolf, corgi, fox, dingo, puppet or dog?

90. Sun

sunny

Ah yes, a sun to use when pretending you're on vacation in the middle of January.

89. Palm Tree

palm tree

Lying under one of these...

88. Bikini

bikini

...wearing one of these.

87. Party Popper

celebration

According to a survey of everyone I've ever known, this can be used for any occasion whatsoever, no matter how little fun you expect to have.

86. Musical Notes

musical notes

Different emoji, same idea.

85. Rose

rose

Best used when combined with a little...

84. Dancer

dancer

TANGO!

83. Thumbs Up

thumbs up

I think we all get this one.

82. Trophy

trophy

Because you're a winner, goddammit!

81. Walking Man

walking

Just look at that sad slouch and sorrowful gaze.

80. Running Man

running

So few places to go and people to see.

79. Watch

watch

Because time is...

78. Money

money sign

77. Money!

money stack

76. Money!!!!

money bag

Wait for it...

75. MONNNNNEEEEEEYYYY!!!!!!

money with wings

But the best things in life are...

74. Free

free

73. Heart

heart

Like love...

72. Broken Heart

broken heart

While it lasts.

71. Weepy Face

crying face

It is better to have loved and lost than not to have texted an emoji heart at all.

70. Revolving Hearts

revolving hearts

Or several hearts.

69. Blush

blush

But it's so EASY to text emoji hearts.

68. Four Leaf Clover

four leaf clover

We're up all night texting emojis to get lucky.

67. Lady Bug

lady bug

Just like this auspicious insect.

66. Input Symbols For Symbols

symbols

We're not really sure what this symbol emoji means or what it's for, but that's a lot of &%#@ing symbols.

65. Weary Face

weary

This is the saddest emoji in the world.

64. Tiger

tiger

What's that thing on its cheek?

63. Ghost

ghost

Like Casper, but cuter.

62. Goblin Man

goblin man

This thing, however, is terrifying.

61. Scaredy Face

scared face

See how freaked out we are?

60. Puppy Dog

puppy dog

But there's nothing to be afraid of with this adorable puppy around.

59. OK

ok hand

Feeling much better now.

58. Smiley Face

classic smiley face

See?

57. Smiling Baby

smiling baby

Ahhhhh! Well, not all babies are adorable.

56. Real Pig

real pig

This pig is pretty cool.

55. Cartoon Pig

fake pig

But this one is better.

54. Cartoon Pig Nose

pig nose

And this one is even better.

53. Eyes

eyes

Still paying attention?

52. Santa Claus

santa clause

Because Santa certainly is.

51. Surfer

surfer

Sort of looks like he's walking on a surfboard, but whatever.

50. Wine

wine glass

What happens when you have a few glasses of these...

49. Martini

martini

...and a lot of these?

48. Baby Crawling

drunk baby

This. Followed by vomiting.

47. Bowling Ball With Stand

bowling ball on stand

Shut up with your "it's a crystal ball."

46. Plane Seat

airplane seat

Don't you wish airplane seats were actually this big?

45. Roller Coaster

roller coaster

Always a good metaphor for life.

44. Fire With Name Tag (?)

fire name tag

Perfect for your high school reunion so you can meet old... what are they called?

43. Flames

flame

Get it?

42. Oncoming Bus

oncoming bus

Whoever wrote #43 and #44 should be hit with one.

41. Help Desk Lady

helpwhatever lady

Whatever.

40. Water Wave

water wave

Emoji imitating art.

39. Fish Flag

fish flag

We challenge you to use this one in a serious text.

38. No Good Gesture

no good gesture

Rejection, thy name is emoji.

37. Goblin Man

goblin man

Goblin man is sad now.

36. A Beer

beer

One beer is great.

35. Clinking Beers

clinking beer mugs

Two beers is better.

34. Pepperoni Pizza

slice of pizza

Can't say this is the most appetizing animated piece of pizza we've ever seen.

33. Cheeseburger

cheeseburger

But, actually, this burger does look kind of delicious.

32. Sleepy Face

sleepy face

The truest emoji.

31. Zombie Family

zombie family

At least they're still together.

30. Volcano

volcano

Unsure when the best time to use this volcano emoji is.

29. Newspaper

newspaper

But if there's ever a real volcano, remember this emoji newspaper about volcanoes.

28. Sailboat

sailboat

Handy when telling your friends you're yachting.

27. Ship

ship

Handy when trying to tell your friends you're on a cruise from hell, have a contagious disease and haven't showered in several weeks.

26. Heart Eyes

heart eyes

Good one for your boyfriend!

25. Cat Heart Eyes

cat heart eyes

Even better one for your "other" boyfriend.

24. Kissy Face

kissy face

Perfect for your boss.

23. Soon Arrow

soon arrow

As in this post will be over soon. Handy right?

22. Hotel

hotel

Note: This is not the emoji for hospital. In case of emergency, the hospital emoji is one row up and four to the right from this one on your phone's emoji keyboard.

21. Love Hotel

love hotel

Because everybody loves a shady sexual tryst in a dirty motel room that smells like cigarettes and Funyuns.

20. Sunglasses Face

sunglasses

You know what's cool? This emoji.

19. Folding Hands/Praying/Wai

wai

You know what's not cool? Bros that use this emoji to thank you for a favor you didn't want to do for them in the first place.

18. Target

target

Nailed 'em. Bullseye!

17. Man

moustache man

Pro-tip: If you see a man with a moustache like this, don't go near him.

16. Checkmark

check mark

Got that?

15. Statue of Liberty

statue of liberty

Ummm, is the Statue of Liberty crying here? Don't cry America.

14. Foggy

bridge

What is that? A bridge?

13. Stuck Out Tongue With Closed Eyes

tongue face

Niiiiiiiiccccccccceeeee.

12. Knife And Fork

knive fork

For only the most civilized of emoji diners.

11. Wink

winky face

We get it, you're up to something and you really want us to text back before you're going to let us know.

10. Turtle

turtle

I like turtles.

9. See-No-Evil Monkey

noseeing monkey

This monkey's cute because it cannot see.

8. Speak-No-Evil Monkey

no talking monkey

This one because it can't talk.

7. Hear-No-Evil Monkey

no hearing monkey

This one because it can't hear anything.

6. Regular Monkey

regular monkey emoji

This monkey has none of those problems. But we love it anyway.

5. Shocked Face

shocked face

That awkward moment when...

4. Bowing Deeply? Yoga? Squatting?

whatevers happening here

...whatever's happening here happens.

3. Tears of Joy

crying joy face

This emoji is tripping very hard right now.

2. Eggplant

eggplant emoji

This thing looks like Barney the Dinosaur's... nevermind.

1. Poop? Or Chocolate Soft Serve Monster?

poop emoji

Obviously, the poop emoji is #1. Just look at those eyes.

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