DIVORCE
06/27/2014 07:11 pm ET Updated Jun 30, 2014

An Important Reminder To Not Take Relationship Advice From Your Cat

Cats are great at squeezing into impossibly small spaces, making death-defying jumps, and showing your pet dog who's boss whenever they get the chance.

They're not that great at giving relationship cues. Unfortunately, one woman who recently wrote into a vet's advice column in The Sonoma Valley Sun was not aware of that.

Reader "Picking Up Kitty’s Cues" wrote to Dr. Vallard C. Forsythe and said that she was convinced her husband was cheating on her based on the peculiar behavior of their cat, Muffin Top.

Apparently, while her husband Bill has been clocking in extra hours at work, Muffin Top's been busy peeing on Bill's side of the bed -- and twice on his laundry. A coincidence? Kitty Cues thinks not.

"My theory is that Muffin Top knows that my husband is lying to me about something and is punishing him," she writes. "Whey else would it only be HIS cat acting weird and peeing on HIS side of the bed?"

Smartly, Dr. Forsythe does't venture into the human drama ("I wouldn’t even try to pontificate the answer to that one for all the gold in Fort Knox or backstage passes to an Usher concert.") But he does offer some sage advice on ol' Muffin Top's health -- and reminds his readers that our cats are not Iyanla from "Iyanla: Fix My Life."

"While it is true that animals can often sense things before humans can, it sounds to me like you need to face your marital situation head on rather than let Muffin Top and Cupcake sell you a load of baked goods. Cats are very sensitive to change in the house and when tensions run high, their behavior can change. This can often show up in aberrant urination or defecation. Don’t forget it could also be that one cat has a bladder infection causing him to urinate on the unoccupied side of the bed."

In other words, sometimes a cat peeing all over your bed is just a cat peeing all over your bed.

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Cats: They Just Don't Give A F**k
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Cats: They Just Don't Give A F**k

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