06/29/2014 09:20 pm ET | Updated Jun 29, 2014

Best Parenting Tweets: What Moms And Dads Said On Twitter This Week

Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!

You know it's summer vacation when your kid watches an entire movie before 9 am.

— Jen Simon (@NoSleepInBklyn) June 26, 2014

Me: "Hey kids, since it's summer break you can sleep AS LATE AS YOU WANT EVERY DAY NOW. No, seriously. Try it. It's pretty great."

— Mamatoga (@Mamatoga) June 25, 2014

My kids get along so great when they aren't around each other.

— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) June 26, 2014

Hell hath no fury like a 4 year old whose sandwich has been cut into squares when he wanted triangles.

— Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) June 23, 2014

I'm always so proud of how my kids go green and re-purpose their old arguments so they work for today.

— Paige Kellerman (@PaigeKellerman) June 23, 2014

If I had an elephant in one arm, a rhino in the other and an orangutan on my shoulders, my sons would still ask me to hold their stuff.

— Kelley (@KelleysBreakRm) June 27, 2014

Ask not "who put the piece of graham cracker in the basket of clean laundry?" Ask what that graham cracker can do for you. #Parenthood

— Jennifer Mendelsohn (@CleverTitleTK) June 27, 2014

"We don't eat food with our feet" is something I never thought I'd say before becoming a mom.

— Just Jessica (@fabulessica) June 24, 2014

2yo: I want a cheesestick. Me: You want a cheesestick? Him: NO cheesestick!
There's nothing more confusing than being 2. Except being me.

— Toulouse (@toulouseNtonic) June 26, 2014

*At kid's birthday party, Frozen on TV
My brain: Don't sing along. Don't sing along.
Me: *starts singing
My brain: Dammit

— Hunter Steele (@FatherWithTwins) June 22, 2014

The downsides to my kid leaving toys everywhere are that the place is a mess & stepping on them hurts.

The upside is feeling like Godzilla.

— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) June 24, 2014

It's easy to judge the seriousness of an injury by my 4yo's refusal to accept a non-character-themed band aid. Verdict: Not Very Serious.

— Ilana Wiles (@mommyshorts) June 24, 2014

My kids are having a Who Can Make the Most Annoying Sound Contest today. I don't know who the winner will be.

All I know is I'm losing.

— Real Life Parenting (@RealLifeParent2) June 20, 2014

A haiku by my 8-yr-old son:
Pizza is yummy
I will never stop eating
I love it so much

— Gloria Fallon (@GloriaFallon123) June 26, 2014

Dear kids,
The 1st time was funny
The 2nd time was a recap
The 3rd was mildly agitating
The 493rd time is shut the hell up

— Stella G. Maddox (@StellaGMaddox) June 23, 2014

My son just referred to the 1980's as "turn of the century."

— Sarah (est. 1975) (@est1975blog) June 25, 2014

At this point, I'm pretty sure my 4 year old son thinks "ChaseSayYou'reSorry" is all one word.

— mama bird diaries (@mamabirddiaries) June 25, 2014

My 5yo just prayed to Santa to help her poop come out painlessly, and I'm wondering where else my parenting might have screwed her up.

— One Classy Motha (@MothaKim) June 22, 2014

My 10yo asked me about Oedipus.

Me: "He was a good boy who loved his mother."

— Kathy Cooperman (@Kathy_Cooperman) June 24, 2014

4: Daddy, I don't want to take a nap.

Me: Trust me, one day 32 years from now, you will look back on this decision and really regret it.

— Qwerty Jones (@QwertyJones3) June 24, 2013

3 yr old: What's procrastinate mean?

Me: I'll tell you later...

— Will Rodgers (@WilliamRodgers) June 24, 2014

During a Team Umizoomi about favorite things:
B - "My favorite thing is my penis!"
Probably not what Umizoomi had in mind...

— Mike (@MikeDaddyReal) June 24, 2014

Being home with kids all day is just the loneliest never-alone thing. Like living in a cave filled with malfunctioning Teddy Ruxpins.

— Linda (@Sundry) June 26, 2014

*Quickly shoves handful of mini Reese's cups in my mouth*

4&6: What are you eating?

M: Dog poop.

4&6: Can we have some?

— Boston Girl (@Kmdk86) June 23, 2014

Highlight of my day? Finally hopping in the shower tonight only to get interrupted because my 7yo is sad about a flower that died last week.

— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) June 24, 2014

Read More
Last Week's Funniest Parenting Tweets Of The Week
What It Feels Like To Hold A Baby For The First Time, Summed Up By One Little Boy's Face


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