Funniest Parenting Tweets: What Moms And Dads Said On Twitter This Week

"Ok, kids. Does everyone have their shoes, socks, snacks, books diapers, fights, and questions about mortality? Good, let's run errands."

— Paige Kellerman (@PaigeKellerman) July 9, 2014

Today is "dress like your favorite star" at camp and Birdie requested to dress like "Rachel from Friends" THIS IS MY CHILD!

— Busy Philipps (@BusyPhilipps) July 9, 2014

Kid cleaning out toy box:
"Look, Mom! I found my harmonica!!"

Wow. It's my lucky day.

— Momma of Midgard (@MidgardMomma) July 13, 2014

Funny how much my kids cleaning up their toys in the basement sounds like them beating the crap out of each other while laughing.

— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) July 9, 2014

If it weren't for all the banging, screaming, whining and crying, kids probably wouldn't be half bad.

— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) July 8, 2014

My son just asked me not to get out of the car when I drop him off for camp bc "I look rough." Guess who IS GETTING OUT OF THE CAR NOW, kid.

— Tanis Miller (@tanis_eh) July 9, 2014

That moment when you realize your 6yo's fingernails look not unlike the talons of a velociraptor.

That.

— Sarah del Rio (@sarahdelri0) July 9, 2014

Signed my youngest up for kindergarten today. Not gonna lie, I cried...bc now I have to hear BOTH kids bitch about homework.

— One Classy Motha (@MothaKim) July 9, 2014

Thank goodness there are kids in the world to remind us that we should be whining about more than we already do.

— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) July 7, 2014

4 yo: Mom did Elsa freeze you?
Me: No why?
4 yo: You have white stripes in your hair.
Me Those are from YOU!
4 yo So I'm magic?
Me Um..sure.

— Tracy Morrison (@sellabitmum) July 9, 2014

16 is playing this game with me called "the silent treatment".

He thinks he's winning. Rookie.

— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) July 8, 2014

I don't always tell my kids how to dress, but when I do it's because they want to wear fleece to the pool.

— Amy Flory (@FunnyIsFamily) July 9, 2014

The 6YO's phonetic spelling is adorable until she starts playing word games on the iPad.

— Brenna Jennings (@SuburbanSnaps) July 10, 2014

I just picked off something stuck to my wife's back. Turns out it was a booger from our 5yo because DUH.

— Andy Herald (@AndyHerald) July 7, 2014

You know you're lowering your expectations as a parent when you no longer want to raise a president but just someone who flushes the toilet.

— Kelcey Kintner (@mamabirddiaries) July 11, 2014

I told my kid how I scored 35 pts in a college basketball game and she promptly started snoring. If I need her to sleep, now I know how.

— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) July 9, 2014

Picture me out with my kids.
Wrong. More trips to the bathroom.

— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) July 10, 2014

My son's making us dinner and I'm pretty sure it's going to cost me my sanity plus the price of a large pizza in about an hour.

— Stella G. Maddox (@StellaGMaddox) July 7, 2014

My eight year-old won't eat his vegetables because he says they don't fit his personal brand.

— Dave Pell (@davepell) July 7, 2014

I don't always step on a loud creaky spot on our floor, but when I do, I do it right after my kids have just fallen asleep.

— Tara Brown (@Faux_Ma) July 13, 2014

Kids.

You can't wait for them to start talking, until they do.

— OneFunnyMummy (@OneFunnyMummy) July 9, 2014