WEIRD NEWS

Behold The Sea Tank, Beach Assault Vehicle Of The Future

07/21/2014 03:40 pm ET | Updated Jul 21, 2014

Is your rogue nation or terrorist organization defended by sea walls? If you answered yes to that question, you'd better start praying, because the USA has a motherf***ing sea tank now.

That's right. A sea tank. An Ultra Heavy-lift Amphibious Connector (UHAC). A tank that goes on water. And land, where it totally crushes sea walls (up to 10 feet high). Brought to you by Navatek Ltd and the Office of Naval Research.

Are you sexually aroused yet? You'd better be, because if you're not, that's un-American. And if you're not American, you should be terrified.

It costs an estimated $22 million to $37 million, according to Jalopnik. That's half the price of an LCAC beach assault hovercraft, the vehicle it's poised to replace. It also carries three times the load that an LCAC can bear.

Half price. Three times the load. That's defense at a discount. Are you absolutely totally consumed with pride in the USA yet? What is wrong with you?

Is it the top speed? The top speed right now is only 5 mph. But that's on water. It is hard to drive a tank on water at high speeds. Eventually the top speed of the sea tank will be a whopping 25 mph. That's huge, so watch out.

Here's how it works, according to CNN:

The tracks, which are made of what the Marines call "captured-air foam blocks," extend like flippers to propel the craft through the water. When it hits the beach, the foam flattens to become like the tracks on a tank or a bulldozer, only much softer.

The sea tank began testing on July 9 as part of the Rim of the Pacific Exercise 2014. This is not to be confused with Pacific Rim (2013), although let's be honest, this thing's got nothing on Kaiju-battling mechs.

Still, at 42 feet long, 26 feet wide, and 17 feet high, the sea tank is freaking huge. And it'll be even bigger when it's done.

Did we mention that? That it's not quite done being built yet? It doesn't have any armor or guns yet, but it will! And then you'd better watch out, North Korea, because s*** is gonna get real (unlike your Photoshopped hovercrafts last year).

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