TASTE
08/05/2014 07:00 am ET Updated Aug 05, 2014

9 Signs Your Ordering Skills Are 'When Harry Met Sally'-Caliber Crazy

Ordering food at a restaurant can be a process -- too many choices, too much chatting, not enough time. But if you order like Sally Albright from "When Harry Met Sally," then rattling off your desired meal is a practiced art.

It doesn't matter if you're making those dining with you uncomfortable and annoying your server -- you know what you want and how you want it. There's no person who better captured the absurdity of such moments than the late, great Nora Ephron, who wrote Sally's drill sergeant of an order in "When Harry Met Sally."

In a tribute to this famous scene (but not the most famous restaurant scene), here are nine ways to tell you're being a "Sally."

1. If you order a cheese pizza with the usual tomato sauce, but only want it if it's homemade sauce, and if it's not homemade than it should be just be a white pizza with mozzarella cheese. And if they don't have mozzarella, you'll just stick with a house salad.
cheese pizza

2. If you order the Chef's Special, but then you don't really like the meat suggested so you'd just like it to be a rack of ribs with the same seasoning and side dishes. If that can't be done then you'll just have the side dishes that come with the Chef's Special and an order of the house ribs.
ribs

3. If you want a caramel iced coffee but no whip and non-fat milk or soy if they have it -- light on the caramel shots and without the drizzle on top or caramel chunks. If they can't make that fast enough then you'll just have a black coffee, stat.
ice coffee

4. If you like your chicken noodle soup but without the chicken and tofu as an added substitution. You're fine if the broth is made with chicken, you just don't like the way that chicken tastes in the soup and you'd also like it if the soup came without peas, but tiny carrots are fine.
chicken noodle soup

5. If you order a Caesar salad without Caesar dressing and cheese and with the croutons on the side. Though if the salad is already premixed then you'll just take a Santa Fe salad with shrimp, again hold the cheese and put the ranch dressing on the side.
caesar salad

6. If you tend to order spaghetti without the sauce and substitute in a white alfredo sauce topped with parmesan, but if they don't have that then you'll just have pasta with butter and a tomato sauce on the side. And meatballs, of course.
spaghetti

7. If you order a Philly cheesesteak without the cheese and onions but with an extra side of peppers, but only if they're green peppers. If the restaurant only has red peppers then you'll take the Philly cheesesteak WITH cheese but still hold the onion and definitely the green peppers.
philly cheesesteak

8. If you always order the grilled chicken and goat cheese salad but without the chicken, and holding the walnuts of course. Also, you'd really just prefer to leave the goat cheese off as well, and you're completely fine with the fact that you just paid $14 for spinach in a raspberry vinaigrette.
goat cheese salad

9. If you order the pie but don't want the ice cream on top, you want it on the side, and if you'd like strawberry instead of vanilla if they have it, if not then no ice cream just whipped cream (but only if it's real, if it's out of the can, then nothing)...

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  • 1 That time it made a fried chicken sandwich.
    Astro Doughnut & Fried Chicken
    You're looking at the Old Bay Fried Chicken BLT served on a DONUT from Astro Doughnut & Fried Chicken. What's wrong with regular ol' bread?
  • 2 That time it was stuffed with foie gras (aka fatty goose liver).
    Psycho Donuts
    This one got death threats from the vegan community. JUST. TOO. FAR.
  • 3 That time someone topped a Greek salad with a doughnut.
    Flickr: Shutter_Inc.
    It's not a crouton! (We're talking about you, Gourdoughs.)
  • 4 That time a mimosa became the donut filling.
    Psycho Donuts
    Let us introduce you to the "MOMosa" donut from Psycho Donuts -- inspired by Mother's Day. It's filled with champagne pastry cream. We don't know about you, but every part of this just screams WRONG to us.
  • 5 That time mac and cheese hid inside a beignet.
    Glazed LA
    Awesome? Yes. But, total gut bomb.
  • 6 That time there was a Peep stuck into its hole.
    Flickr: Matt
    Wrong, wrong, wrong. Dunkin' Donuts, what are you doing?
  • 7 That time buffalo chicken became a donut flavor.
    Bespoke Doughnuts
    The buffalo chicken donut has DEFINITELY gone too far. We know it looks pretty. We know it sounds good. But guys, chicken skin crumble on a donut? That's just not right. Let's stick to the sprinkles, people.
  • 8 That time the Luther Burger was born.
    Weiner and still Champion
    This bacon, burger and cheese donut sandwich is everything that's wrong with the world. You can find it on select days at Weiner and Still Champion in Evanston, IL.
  • 9 That time even Dunkin' Donuts, the people who really know donuts, crossed the line with a breakfast sandwich.
    Dunkin' Donuts
    You too, DD? Dunkin' Donuts, you have no business doing that to your donuts.
  • 10 That time six donuts came together to make one giant donut to rule them all.
    Yelp: Minh N.
    Meet the Tex-Ass donut from Voodoo Doughnuts. If you eat the whole thing in sixty seconds, it's free. If not, it'll set you back $4.20. Is it worth it guys? (Just to be clear, the Tex-Ass donut in the picture above is that giant thing hiding beneath the chocolate-frosted donut.)
  • 11 Or that time that Round Rock Donuts made a donut bigger than the biggest head on earth.
    Rock Round Donuts
    No one should eat this donut. No. One.
  • 12 That time Captain Crunch overloaded a donut.
    Yelp: Megan V.
    Sugar on sugar. Make it stop. (This is another creation from Voodoo Doughnuts.)
  • 13 That time someone put an entire pound of bacon on top of a donut.
    Flickr: Necessary Indulgences
    Then drowned it in maple frosting. STOP THE MADNESS.
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