COMEDY
08/09/2014 11:47 am ET | Updated Aug 09, 2014

Best Tweets: What Women Said On Twitter This Week

We're not sure why the ladies of Twitter decided to drop truth bombs left and right this week -- but we're sure happy they did. "Just once I'd like to see a movie sex scene be accurate. You know, him having a hard time getting her off then giving up," Twitter user The Eh Factor wrote. Accurate and depressing.

Twitter user Molly had us all nodding our heads in agreement when she tweeted, "The only way to eat a $21 salad is angrily." Or claim you saw a hair in it, send it back and get a burger. (Maybe that's just us, though.)

The most accurate truth bomb we stumbled across came from Twitter user Jay, A Slur when she tweeted, "Imagine never having to worry that not looking desirable will impact your employment prospects. It's called being male, I think?" Preach, lady.

For more great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.

It can't be a coincidence that morning and mourning sound exactly the same.

If there's not hot, dirty sex involved, don't wake me up.

— Goddess of Mischief (@ShanaRose21) August 4, 2014

My favorite part of getting shit done, is ignoring the fact that I have to get shit done and taking a nap instead.

— Mrs.Throbinson (@mellimelle) August 4, 2014

I always keep my middle finger loaded for assholes

— Tammy (@OkieGirl405) August 2, 2014

Those days when you just can’t get your shit together, and then there’s these kids, who you’re in charge of, just staring at you…

— Gloria Fallon (@GloriaFallon123) August 5, 2014

Our federal government has more diversity than late night television. And better musical guests too! #what

— Julie Klausner (@julieklausner) August 5, 2014

A drought just means God hasn't been listening to enough Adele.

— Liana Maeby (@lianamaeby) August 5, 2014

Shout out to this particular client who takes Viagra daily. Well done sir!

Btw... Have I seen your dick on Twitter?

— PinkCamo (@PinkCamoTO) August 5, 2014

I was raised as an only child.
My brother was really pissed.

— Maester Craving. (@calluptome) August 5, 2014

Sometimes you just gotta take a deep breath and say to yourself "Well, that part of my eyebrow is never going to grow back..."

— Leah Bonnema (@LeahBonnema) August 6, 2014

*applies a pound of makeup
*fixes hair
*gets back into bed
*takes picture

"Just got up. No filter. #iwokeuplikedis"

— Say it ain't so (@Shut_up_Marissa) August 6, 2014

Tinder, but for finding dads.

— Swishergirl (@Swishergirl24) August 6, 2014

I really need to get a nanny so I can start tweeting again.

— Jenny Mollen (@jennyandteets) August 8, 2014

6 year old child for sale.

*manners sold separately

— ShotofCherye (@CheryeDavis) August 8, 2014

The only way to eat a $21 salad is angrily.

— molly (@Molly_Kats) August 8, 2014

Just once I'd like to see a movie sex scene be accurate.

You know, him having a hard time getting her off then giving up.

— The Eh Factor (@AngelaEhh) August 8, 2014

Sometimes I think "I need to think before I speak" and then other times I think "I shouldn't leave the house or interact with people ever."

— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) August 4, 2014

In general, men are gigantic pussies.
-Susan B Anthony

— Sarah Silverman (@SarahKSilverman) August 7, 2014

You guys that's Nicki's verse on the Flawless remix. If I'd written that, well, I wouldn't have been shoved so much at camp

— Lena Dunham (@lenadunham) August 3, 2014

imagine never having to worry that not looking desirable will impact your employment prospects.

it's called being male, I think?

— jay, a slur (@jaythenerdkid) August 8, 2014

Did you ever think that maybe zombies dont take selfies cause they dont have lips to make a duckface? No, because you only think of yourself

— Saucy Kensington (@Book_Krazy) August 8, 2014

Noted White Castle lover Chrissy Teigen throwing the first pitch, drunk, in wedge sneakers, has GOT to be Peak "Cool Girl," right? (Please?)

— Kat Stoeffel (@KStoeffel) August 6, 2014

Subscribe to the Entertainment email.
Home to your favorite fan theories and the best movie recs.

CONVERSATIONS