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Hello Kitty Is Not A Cat Because Nothing Makes Sense Anymore [UPDATE]

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You might want to sit down for this one.

Sanrio has revealed Hello Kitty -- the supposedly adorable feline character that adorns everything from lunch boxes and toasters to t-shirts and lingerie -- is, in fact, not a cat. We repeat NOT A CAT.

Just what is Hello Kitty, you're asking?

Hello Kitty is a girl (and a British one at that), Christine R. Yano, the author of "Pink Globalization: Hello Kitty's Trek Across the Pacific," told The Los Angeles Times.

"Hello Kitty is not a cat. She's a cartoon character. She is a little girl. She is a friend. But she is not a cat. She's never depicted on all fours. She walks and sits like a two-legged creature," Yano explained to the Times.

And if you are ready for your mind to be just a little more blown, the character we all know as Hello Kitty is actually Kitty White -- a Scorpio who loves apple pie, and is the daughter of George and Mary White.

"She has a twin sister. She's a perpetual third-grader. She lives outside of London. I could go on. A lot of people don't know the story and a lot don't care," Yano told the paper.

UPDATE: Reached by a reporter for RocketNews24, a representative for Sanrio said, "We never said she was a human." The representative never said she was a cat.

UPDATE 2: Well, it seems there may have been some (intentional?) confusion here. When Sanrio told Yano that Hello Kitty wasn't a cat, it appears they meant she wasn't a cat in the context of what it means to be a cat in our reality, not the cartoon universe Sanrio has created.

A spokesman at Sanrio's Tokyo headquarters told Kotaku:

"Hello Kitty was done in the motif of a cat. It's going too far to say that Hello Kitty is not a cat. Hello Kitty is a personification of a cat."

The specific word that the Sanrio spokesperson used to describe Hello Kitty was "gijinka" (擬人化), which means "anthropomorphization" or "personification."

One again, to clarify, I asked the Sanrio spokesperson, "Then, it would be going too far to say that Hello Kitty was not a cat?" The spokesperson replied, "Yes, that would be going too far."

Ok, so if Hello Kitty is the personification of a cat, can we talk for a moment about why she has her own pet cat (actual furball cat) named Charmmy Kitty? Because that's just messed up.


For more on Hello Kitty, head over to the Los Angeles Times.

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