COMEDY
08/30/2014 10:03 am ET | Updated Aug 31, 2014

Best Tweets: What Women Said On Twitter This Week

This week started off with a rather underwhelming Emmys Awards show. "Orange Is The New Black" was royally snubbed and Sofia Vergara was spun around on stage as “something compelling to look at."

Kate Spencer weighed in on the sexist schtick, tweeting: "'Work hard,' I whisper to my daughters. 'And one day you too could be honored for your talent by being rotated on a platform on live TV.'" Great life lesson right there.

In other news, everything we've ever known is a lie: Hello Kitty is not a cat. Rivka Rossi offered one solution to the Internet's misery: "There should at least be a Hello Kitty emoji now for everyone's loss." Emojis do solve everything.

For more great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.

I'm going to start sitting like this on the subway. pic.twitter.com/5CSf7ReO2G

— Maryellen Stewart (@Maryellen) August 25, 2014

Everyone's a genius until they have to figure out how to open someone else's backyard gate.

— Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) August 24, 2014

OH, Brooklyn, "Do you remember the theme of your Bar Mitzvah?" "I think it was divorce. At least that was definitely the underlying theme."

— Rachel Syme (@rachsyme) August 25, 2014

They say guys who drive tiny sports cars are trying to over-compensate...

*walks up to guy in minivan*

"Sup?"

— Marl beans (@Marlebean) August 26, 2014

I turned wine into a hangover.
Your move Jesus.

— Jess! (@ImJESSPlayin) August 25, 2014

An app where u order dogs & cats 4 ur parties so everyone can hang out with pups & kitties instead of each other like we all secretly want 2

— Janine Brito (@janinebrito) August 26, 2014

*Rose, nude, draped seductively upon a sofa in front of Jack*
"I want you to give me, like, one of your French fries"

— refriend beans (@pharmasean) August 26, 2014

I saw the cutest guys of my generation destroyed by cargo shorts.

— Mackenzie Kruvant (@mkruvant) August 27, 2014

Pinterest is basically just Instagram with granny panties on.

— Tara Brown (@Faux_Ma) August 27, 2014

"Work hard," I whisper to my daughters. "And one day you too could be honored for your talent by being rotated on a platform on live TV."

— Kate Spencer (@katespencer) August 26, 2014

"I'm ready for a jukebox musical of 'Jagged Little Pill.'" - Erin Mallory Long, August 27, 2014

— erin mallory long (@erinmallorylong) August 28, 2014

There should at least be a Hello Kitty emoji now for everyone's loss.

— Rivka Rossi (@sofifii) August 28, 2014

When I think about quitting coffee the fear is not that *I* will die...it's that *others* will die, and I will go to jail.

— caprice crane (@capricecrane) August 26, 2014

i bet jay z searches amazon by highest to lowest price

— Jessica Misener (@jessmisener) August 26, 2014

This Sam Smith song is much better when you’re not watching him sing, but instead crying into a glass of Pinot

— Ellie Krupnick (@elliekrupnick) August 25, 2014

So reverse psychology doesn't work on zits.

— LBJohnson (@ladybirdj) August 26, 2014

"Oh, sorry about my stubble, I have a Groupon for waxing and it's only worth it if you grow it out a little, and also I--" -womansplaining

— Julieanne Smolinski (@BoobsRadley) August 29, 2014

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