Six Reasons I Finally Decided To Marry My Same-Sex Partner After 13 Years

6 Reasons This Gay Man Finally Decided To Marry His Partner After 13 Years

Thirteen years is a long time to share a life with someone. I should know; I've now done it twice. Once with my ex-wife, and this time with my partner ... you know, the gay one.

I know, it's not 25 or 50 years, but God willing, I'll at least get to 24 with my partner ... oh wait, make that: my husband!

Yep, I got hitched and just in the nick of time. Dec. 31, 2014, 3:00 p.m. Pacific time. (How's that for a New Year's Eve party?) I slipped right under the calendar year for those tax benefits. That's not why we did it, of course. Nor did we do it to piss my parents off, even though we've yet to hear a congratulatory remark out of them.

We didn't do it because we had a head start on our New Year's Eve, got drunk and accidentally made it to the courthouse. No, no, no. This was a conscious, well thought out decision. Okay, maybe it wasn't planned quite perfectly.

A few family members—those who would've liked to witness our union—weren't able to make it because we made this decision in the moment: less than 3 weeks from "should we?" to "I do."

I'm sure someone reading this article is sitting on his or her high horse seat of judgment thinking, "This will never last." Really? In an age where heterosexuals run away from the altar and divorce rates are well over 50 percent, why is our marriage less likely to make it?

Heck, we've laid the groundwork—dated, mated, co-habitated—and built a life together for over a decade. It's clear we're already pretty solid as a couple, so why get married now? Other than the obvious tax benefits, avoiding fights with hospitals about whether we're really family, and reducing attorney fees to get all our ducks in a row, for us, there's one main reason we got married ... LOVE.

Oh, sure, on the surface nothing has changed now that we "put a ring on it", but spiritually and emotionally something has shifted; for my husband (I just love saying that) and I, the connection grew deeper.

Do you honestly think heterosexuals deserve to corner the market on deep, intimate, romantic, spiritual feelings in their relationships? I think not. We're all human beings and all capable of experiencing the deeper things in life. It's our inalienable right to feel emotions, act upon them, and embrace them. I'm pretty sure our forefathers called that "the pursuit of happiness."

The day of our marriage, a lesbian friend of mine posted her congratulatory remarks on my numerous Facebook posts, followed by a private message asking, "Why now?" She and her partner have been together for over 20 years and she was curious as to what the tipping point was for us.

When I flipped the question back to her, "Why would you get married at this stage?" her response was similar to my own: it's a spiritual thing.

From my perspective, spirituality and love intertwine. The spirit, who we are at our core, operates from a center of love. To dishonor our spirit is to dishonor love. Thus, I believe that not honoring my homosexuality sends a direct signal to my spirit that I am not worthy, and thus, not loved.

My marriage now, just as my first marriage was, honors that I love and care for someone very deeply. The only difference is that I'm aligned with my spiritual gender, as well as my physical attraction gender.

So, why did I get married to my gay partner after 13 years? Here's the reasons, exactly in the order of importance:

1. I love him. I love him today more than I did yesterday, and the day before that, and nothing is ever going to change that love.

2. I'm honoring my values of truth, honesty, and integrity. I can't honestly, truthfully, and with integrity love my husband 100% if I'm not permitted to love him as my husband.

3. I'm standing up for what I believe. Love is love. For me that means if you love someone and you want to make a life with them, you should legally be able to do so, if that's what you desire. PERIOD.

4. I'm paying respect to all those who have fought for our rights as gays and lesbians to have this freedom to marry. This doesn't mean I think you're disrespectful if you don't get married as a gay or lesbian. We all have the right to create our relationships as we see fit.

5. I want people to know that I value our relationship enough to publicly declare that he's my guy. He's not just the guy I call my partner, my lover, my co-parent, my rock; he's my husband.

6. I want all the damn perks and benefits that come with, once again, being a married man from a legal and tax perspective.

Now, if my list doesn't tell you where my priorities are then you need to re-read it. The reason I got married was because I felt moved to say, "I do!" out of love.

Any more questions?

This article originally appeared on YourTango.

Before You Go

Joe Raedle/Getty Images
(L-R) Jonathon Infante-May and his husband Joseph Infante-May embrace after getting married during a ceremony at the Broward County Courthouse on January 6, 2015 in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Gay marriage is now legal statewide after the courts ruled that the ban on gay marriage is unconstitutional and the Supreme Court declined to intervene.
Joe Raedle/Getty Images
Johnnie Bowls fights back tears as he is married to Will Hill during a ceremony at the Broward County Courthouse on January 6, 2015 in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Gay marriage is now legal statewide after the courts ruled that the ban on gay marriage is unconstitutional and the Supreme Court declined to intervene.
ASSOCIATED PRESS
Catherina Pareto (L) and her partner Karla Arguello celebrate on the court house steps after Circuit Court Judge Sarah Zabel lifted a stay on her July ruling that Florida's same sex marriage ban violates equal protections under the U.S. Constitution, Monday, Jan. 5, 2015 in Miami. Judge Zabel provided a jump-start Monday to Florida's entry as the 36th state where gays and lesbians can legally marry, saying she saw no reason why same-sex couples couldn't immediately get their licenses in Miami-Dade County ahead of a midnight launch statewide.
ASSOCIATED PRESS
John and Shel Goldstein kiss after they were married in a group wedding Tuesday, Jan. 6, 2015, in Delray Beach, Fla. Florida's ban on same-sex marriage ended statewide at the stroke of midnight Monday, Jan. 5, and court clerks in some Florida counties wasted no time, issuing marriage licenses overnight to same-sex couples. But they still were beaten to the punch by a Miami judge who found no need to wait until the statewide ban expired.
ASSOCIATED PRESS
John Goldstein celebrates his marriage to long time partner, Shel Goldstein Tuesday, Jan. 6, 2015 in Delray Beach, Fla. Florida's ban on same-sex marriage ended statewide at the stroke of midnight Monday, and court clerks in some Florida counties wasted no time, issuing marriage licenses overnight to same-sex couples. But they still were beaten to the punch by a Miami judge who found no need to wait until the statewide ban expired.
ASSOCIATED PRESS
Cristina Jimenez, left, hugs her future bride, Liz Mabry, as they wait for their marriage license, Monday, Jan. 5, 2015 in Delray Beach, Fla. The couple has been together for 10 years. Florida's ban on same-sex marriage ended statewide at the stroke of midnight Monday, and court clerks in some Florida counties wasted no time, issuing marriage licenses overnight to same-sex couples. But they still were beaten to the punch by a Miami judge who found no need to wait until the statewide ban expired.
Carol Tedesco/Florida Keys News Bureau via Getty Images
In this photo provided by the Florida Keys News Bureau, Aaron Huntsman (C) and William Lee Jones (R) kiss after being declared legally married on the steps of the Monroe County Courthouse on January 6, 2015 in Key West, Florida . The couple obtained the first same-sex marriage license issued in the Florida Keys. Huntsman and Jones helped to pave the way for marriage equality in Florida with a lawsuit protesting the state's 2008 ban on same-sex marriage.
ASSOCIATED PRESS
Tarina Golly, left, and Tracy Benjamin apply for their marriage license moments before they were married at the Osceola County Court, early Tuesday, Jan. 6, 2015, in Kissimmee, Fla. Florida became the 36th state where gays and lesbians can legally marry.
ASSOCIATED PRESS
Patrick and Jason Kennedy-Whann hold hands as they say their wedding vows during a group wedding Tuesday, Jan. 6, 2015 in Delray Beach, Fla. Florida's ban on same-sex marriage ended statewide at the stroke of midnight Monday, and court clerks in some Florida counties wasted no time, issuing marriage licenses overnight to same-sex couples. But they still were beaten to the punch by a Miami judge who found no need to wait until the statewide ban expired.
ASSOCIATED PRESS
Todd Delmay, right, and his spouse Jeff Delmay hug after they were married by Miami-Dade Circuit Judge Sarah Zabel, Monday, Jan. 5, 2015 in Miami. Judge Zabel provided a jump-start Monday to Florida's entry as the 36th state where gays and lesbians can legally marry, saying she saw no reason why same-sex couples couldn't immediately get their licenses in Miami-Dade County ahead of a midnight launch statewide.
Joe Raedle/Getty Images
A couple holds hands as they attend a wedding ceremony at the Broward County Courthouse on January 6, 2015 in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Gay marriage is now legal statewide after the courts ruled that the ban on gay marriage is unconstitutional and the Supreme Court declined to intervene.
ASSOCIATED PRESS
Marlene Pareto, hugs her daughter Catherina Pareto, seated, as Catherine and her partner wait to apply for a marriage license after a Miami-Dade Circuit Judge cleared the way for a gay and lesbian couples to marry, Monday, Jan. 5, 2015 in Miami. Judge Sarah Zabel provided a jump-start Monday to Florida's entry as the 36th state where gays and lesbians can legally marry, saying she saw no reason why same-sex couples couldn't immediately get their licenses in Miami-Dade County ahead of a midnight launch statewide.
ASSOCIATED PRESS
Vanessa Alenier, center, smiles and makes her way past the throng of media after her number was called so that she and her partner Malanie Alenier can apply for a marriage license after a Miami-Dade Circuit Judge cleared the way for a gay and lesbian couples to marry, Monday, Jan. 5, 2015 in Miami. Judge Sarah Zabel provided a jump-start Monday to Florida's entry as the 36th state where gays and lesbians can legally marry, saying she saw no reason why same-sex couples couldn't immediately get their licenses in Miami-Dade County ahead of a midnight launch statewide.
ASSOCIATED PRESS
Jeff Ronci, 53, left, kisses his partner of 15 years, Juan Talavera, 46, as they hold up their marriage license at the Miami-Dade County Clerk of Courts office, Monday, Jan. 5, 2015, in Miami. A circuit judge judge lifted a stay on her July ruling that Florida's same sex marriage ban violates equal protections under the U.S. Constitution. The first gay and lesbian weddings could take place as early as Monday.
Joe Raedle/Getty Images
Juan Talavera (L) and Jeff Ronci show off their wedding rings after picking up their marriage license at the Clerk of the Courts - Miami-Dade County Court on January 5, 2015 in Miami, Florida. Gay marriage is now legal statewide after the courts ruled that the ban on gay marriage is unconstitutional and the Supreme Court declined to intervene.
Joe Raedle via Getty Images
Carlos Noda (L) fixes the flower on the jacket of his husband to be Rich Matthews as they wait to get their marriage license from the Clerk of the Court before being married during a ceremony at the Broward County Courthouse on January 6, 2015 in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Gay marriage is now legal statewide after the courts ruled that the ban on gay marriage is unconstitutional and the Supreme Court declined to intervene.
Joe Raedle via Getty Images
(L-R) Beverly Linn and Barbara Kelly embrace after getting married during a ceremony at the Broward County Courthouse on January 6, 2015 in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Gay marriage is now legal statewide after the courts ruled that the ban on gay marriage is unconstitutional and the Supreme Court declined to intervene.
Joe Raedle via Getty Images
Newlyweds Karla Arguello (L) and Catherina Pareto walk out of the Miami-Dade courthouse as the first couple to marry in Florida after Circuit Judge Sarah Zabel presided over the marriage of the couple during a ceremony in the judges courtroom on January 5, 2015 in Miami, Florida. Gay marriage is now legal statewide after the courts ruled that the ban on gay marriage is unconstitutional and the Supreme Court declined to intervene.
John Raoux/AP
Jeff Ballard, left, places a ring on the finger of Greg Melvin as they participate in a marriage ceremony with over 40 same sex couples at Orlando City Hall, Tuesday, Jan. 6, 2015, in Kissimmee, Fla. Florida became the 36th state where gays and lesbians can legally marry. U.S. District Judge Robert L. Hinkle's ruling that Florida's same-sex marriage ban is unconstitutional took effect early Tuesday in all 67 counties.

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