Besides running a marathon uphill, completing a Rubik’s cube in 60 seconds flat, and preparing a five-course dinner for you and 20 of your closest friends in less than 2 hours, there are few things more difficult than successfully getting a teenager out of bed in the morning.
Despite your best efforts, the prospect of leaving his or her warm, snuggly cocoon to face another beautiful day is just the type of thing that makes any angsty teen even more angsty (if that’s even possible).
Sadly, we didn’t find a magical solution to your impossibly impossible problem, but we do feel your pain. So we partnered with Eggo to take you through the 15 emotional stages every parent goes through when dragging -- pleading, begging, forcing -- a teen out of bed in the morning.
1. The Anticipation Overwhelms You
Every single morning, it’s the same old story. You try to wake up your teeanger in time to get showered, dressed and ready for school before the first bell, and they act like you just took away his or her iPhone and laptop and moved curfew an hour earlier all at once. Why won’t it sink in, you’re only trying to help?! Why do you even bother at all?
2. You Feel Hopeful, But It’s Fleeting
You experience a brief moment of optimism. Mornings are hard, but today is a new day. Maybe this morning will be different! It will, won’t it? Won’t it?
3. Prepare Yourself For Battle
Shaking off your feelings of doubt, you take a deep breath and brace yourself for the battlefield -- er, your teeanger’s bedroom. You remind yourself: You’ve planned for this. You’re ready! It’s now or never.
4. Move In For The Initial Attack
The most successful attacks are ones that the victim doesn’t see coming. In this case you’re lucky, because your “victim” is asleep! Since coming on too strongly the first time around can put you directly in front of some fighting words -- or worse, thrown objects -- the initial wake-up call requires a gentle voice and equally compassionate actions, like a light tap on the shoulder.
5. You Get Shut Down. Hard. And Fast.
Despite your best (and nicest!) efforts, your requests are denied -- with a vengeance.
6. Then, Total Disregard
Your child opens an eye, maybe two, makes direct eye contact with you and...oh, it’s promising!...Then, rolls over. Nope.
7. Silently Plan Your Rebuttal
If your teen thinks you’re just going to “go away,” he or she has another thing coming. Your mission -- which you've had no choice but to accept -- is to get them walking upright! Push aside those feelings of self doubt, and plan your counterattack.
8. You Resort To The Tried-And-True Methods
Like flicking the lights.
And drawing back the curtains.
And setting an alarm clock just out of reach.
9. But Your Attempts Are No Match For Your Child’s Determination To Stay Put
It’s like nothing can phase this perfect sleeping machine. NOTHING.
10. So You Bring Out The Big Guns
Like, some gentle nudging.
Then, some aggressive nudging.
And maybe even a literal wake-up call (hey, if they think it’s somebody else, maybe they’ll answer!).
11. If That Doesn’t Work, You Threaten Them
Nobody’s saying you have to threaten actual harm or take away social media privileges for a week. However, less serious warnings -- like, “You’re going to be late and I am not writing you an excuse note” -- could go a long way. Embody your inner Maria Von Trapp to tell them you mean business.
12. Finally, You Resort To Bribery
Nothing says “Get out of bed RIGHT NOW!” like the smell of breakfast wafting from the kitchen into a teen’s bedroom. Start whipping up something -- anything -- that involves sausage or bacon. (If you don’t have time to cook, remember that the microwave is a magical machine in the morning.)
13. Exasperated, You Remind Yourself Not To Give Up
Time and persistence conquer all things.
14. But Then, You Really Feel Like Giving Up
Accept it: the kid’s going to be late. You’ve done what you could. When your teen is suffering through detention after school, you won’t be there to bail out the little...truant.
15. OMG, It’s a Miracle Beyond A Miracle. They’re AWAKE!
At first, you think it’s a fluke, but then you realize it’s really happening. Your teen is AWAKE! He or she may be giving you some serious stink eye -- while demanding to know if that’s waffles they smell -- but, honestly, you don’t care. Your child is out of bed and standing...or, maybe they rolled off the bed and are just getting up from the floor. Either way, they're out! You’ve successfully gotten through another manic morning! Your job is done...well, until tomorrow.
Looking for a delicious morning wake-up call? Try new Eggo Breakfast Sandwiches! With real eggs, melty cheese, and savory sausage or bacon, all stacked between slices of soft waffle-style bread, Eggo Breakfast Sandwiches are the only breakfast sandwiches that everyone in the family will love.
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